I had to meet S20 part way between here and our hometown to give him his paycheck that had been mailed to our home. While I was gone, W TM'd me and asked if we were going to a sports bar to watch the Steelers kick some Browns butt (it wasn't even fun watching the slaughter) so I came home and we went.
Had a great time watching the game and then came home and continued the nice day with some good conversation and a couple glasses of wine.
At one point, W went outside to smoke and when she came back in she was different. Still ok and still talking to me, but not as much and just different. I'm guessing from the other WAW's comments that she had a little bit of a trigger/pullback due to her conflicted feelings. And that's good for the home team.
We ended the night watching "the sound of music" where W talked about some memories she has from watching the movie when she was young.
A couple times during the day there were things said about early in our marriage and the fun times we'd had. Other things that lead me to believe she's really beginning to defog and figure this out.
I'm just enjoying the companionship and the fun times we're having. I had to drop W off at work this morning as I'm on vacation and she has to work today and tomorrow and S20 has my car. It was nice to do that. And she was very engaged on the drive and when I dropped her off she seemed genuinely warm when she told me good by and she's see me later.
Ok, must go grocery shopping and then S16 and I are going to go see a movie. Got to get some pork and kraut for New Years!
Talk to ya soon.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Yesterday was kind of a sucky day. Went and picked up the Bakers rack I got W for Christmas. Also went out and picked up S20 a Steelers jersey (couldn't find one for Christmas, but found one yesterday) and got one for W also (she's wanted one for a while).
Had to pick W up from work as S20 has my car and I can't drive my company truck for personal, so while I was out it was getting close to time to pick her up so instead of going home and then back to get her I stopped at a bar/restaurant and had a couple drinks and just sat there wondering why I keep trying. Not a very good PMA, but I guess I just keep having these expectations that multiply with every good day we have that one of these days she'll tell me she's ready to try. And then when we get home she doesn't say much about the Bakers rack and doesn't really say much about the jersey other than "that size won't fit S20", trying to joke with me without saying thanks to me. S16 says "Thank you" as he's walking out of the room and W gets the hint and says thanks.
Then she was just quiet all night. I saw her looking at her private email account when I came upstairs from spending some time with S16 in the basement and shortly after I sat down she closed out of it even though I could see that she had a number of unopened emails. Just makes me think she's still in contact with OM and that's why she still is in her can't decide what to do place.
Just makes me all the more determined that when this move happens in Jan (that's when it's supposed to happen), it will be time for the "chit or get off the pot" talk.
I'll keep up my PMA until then, but its getting harder and harder to keep caring.
Ok, thanks for letting me vent. I'm sure she'll get up in a bit, suggest something fun to do today/tonight and I'll be sucked right back in, but given the circumstances, I'll just keep plugging along until the move.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
First, Happy New Year everyone. Here's to 2009 being a lot better than 2008 for us all.
Ok, need some help figuring out this interesting day yesterday.
It kind of started Tuesday night. Picked W up from work and she was pretty quiet. I thought, F it, and did my own thing around the house. Spent some time with S16 playing Xbox, watched what I wanted to watch on T.V. without asking what W wanted to watch. Went to bed kind of early.
Yesterday I didn't plan any of this, but it couldn't have been more perfect.
Got up and was sitting here on DB. One of the guys who works for me IM'd me and said this one store had their wine on clearance if I was interested. So with the new Baker's rack having some slots for wine bottles, I decided I'd check the store out and get some.
W gets up and I told her about the clearance sale and invited her to go if she'd like. She gave me one of those non-commital answers so again I thought F it.
Shortly before I went upstairs to get my shower, my work phone rings. W hands it to me and I look at the caller ID. It was my hair cut place calling to remind me of my cut on Saturday. So I didn't answer it, said to W "it's just the hair cut place" and set the phone down. They left a message which I listened to and then went and took my shower. Put on my newly purchased Aqua Gio that all the women seem to like on here, grabbed my keys and wallet and told W I'd be back in a little bit, without giving her another opportunity to go if she wanted.
I was driving to the store and decided I'd stop at Starbucks for a Latte. Sat down and read a couple of newspapers while I had my coffee. Then to the store for the wine.
I'd been gone for about 2.5 hours and my phone rings. It's S16. "You still buying wine"? "Yes, I'll be home soon". "Ok, I just got up and wondered where you were". "I'll be home in a bit".
Hmmmmmm...Sounds like W wondered where I was and used S16 to find out.
So I took the really long way home and drove slow. I got home having been gone about 3.5 hours. I came in, put the wine in the new rack, asked S16 where his copy of "Saving Private Ryan" was and went downstairs to watch the movie, all without really saying much more than a couple words to W.
3/4 of the way through the movie I hear W taking a shower. Mind you, it's 5 in the evening by now. Why take a shower that late in the day? Don't know, don't care. Her shower lasts longer than normal which means she's shaving her legs. After the shower ends, she spends longer than normal primping. Not sure what the occasion is as we're just going to stay in and have Subway for dinner. WooHoo...some New Years Eve party huh?
Anyway, W comes downstairs just as the movie is ending and WOW, does she look HOT. She knows I like her hair when she puts a little wave in it to give it that wind blown look and for the last year or so she's been drying it straight. But her hair had the wave and it was obvious she'd spent some time on it. She also had put on perfume. Again, all this when we're just staying in? I compliment her on her hair and the sexy little sweater she had put on and head to the kitchen for my first New Year's drink. I ask the W if she wants one too and she takes me up on it.
We spend a really nice evening watching some football and the New Year's eve shows on T.V. Head to bed about 12:30 telling W "Happy New Year" to which she doesn't say anything for a few minutes and then replies "Happy New Year".
Ok, So here's where I need the help. It seemed to me that W was a little concerned where I was and what I was doing for those 3.5 hours I was gone. With the phone call I didn't answer and me being gone a whole lot longer than it should have taken to just pick up some wine, is/was she concerned that I might have been up to no good? Then she goes out of her way to take the extra long shower, do her hair the way I like, put on perfume and spend the evening really talking and seeming interested in me.
So...when you are in this friendship stage like we are, but still haven't progressed to the courting stage and W does something like yesterday were it seemed obvious to me she was interested in me, should I have initiated something? Like some hug, a kiss or the like? Or is it best to handle it like I did and let her want it more (if in fact she did)?
More GAL activities coming up. Of course, Football today. Best day of the year for that. Then Friday, S20 is coming home and I'm going to do something with him. Saturday, taking S20 back to school and going to see a basketball game with him. Sunday I'm going on a Nature/Bird watching hike most of the day either by myself or possibly with S16.
Thanks in advance for the opinions.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
My first impression was she was primpping herself for some night activities and then somewhere along the way either talked herself out of it or expected you to make a move. As I was reading along I was thinking...I know where this is heading and then...uggh!!!
I think she was trying to see if H4U was still sexually attracted to her. She probably would have turned him down, but she misses the chase.
Sometimes women want to be CHASED, but not necessarily CAUGHT. She felt him pulling away, and she wanted to re-exert some control thru her sexuality.
Puppy
Not trying to hijack here H4U; but this goes to the heart of DAMness. Once M, I gave up the chase. Figured I didn't have to anymore. I had the girl forever, right?? We all know the REAL answer.
Good job yesterday H4U!! and here's to a Happier New Year for all of us.
Flynn, Wasn't really a thought with me. Wife doesn't like New Years as a holiday. Her BF right before me (whom she thought she was going to marry) stood her up on their last New Years together so he could cheat with his other GF. W has had an aversion to New Years since. We rarely do anything except sit home. If we do go anywhere, it's only to friends houses, but again that's pretty rare.
Puppy, I had that thought. She is concerned that I might be up to no good so she wanted to reel me back in without putting out, so to speak.
MC, You're exactly right, W love the chase. I really have a hard time with the DAM thing though. Did W ever make the effort with me either? No. Did she put on sexy nighties and go to bed with me like she did OM? Not after the first 10 years or so. But that's all in the past.
So....no one answered my question. Is it time for me to make a move towards affection with her? I did give her a hug this afternoon. First one in over a month. She hugged me back, but it wasn't like she was all over me or anything. Should I continue doing things like this? I guess in DB terms, I should try this for a bit and judge the results and adjust from there huh?
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
I'm probably the wrong guy to ask. I'm a big "A person goes where they're invited" guy, and after multiple rejections, I believe a high-drive spouse just stops trying altogether. But I suppose it wouldn't hurt for you to try once, and see what happens.
More importantly, I guess, I still just plain don't trust your wife, H4U. Even if she'd ML with you, I'd be doubting her motives.
But then again, I'm in a pretty cynical place, emotionally, right now, so maybe I should be the "low test score" that you throw out, along with the high one.
