Hi Tim... I know what pissed me off early & had me pulling back is that my H wanted to be all the way to stage 4 without fully getting through Stage 3 or even 1, for me.
I needed (need) to go 'back' & clean out the cobwebs from the old junk.. I need to clean out the corners of the basement (be heard & understood about the things I was resentful for) before moving forward to shore up the foundation with friendship, romance & before reconiliation.
Neither of us was healthy enough to try to do stage 1 right... you understand my sitch enough to know why... we are getting there.
If your wife is not in IC, she may not be healthy enough to do stage 1 yet and still holding in some resentment of wanting to be validated for her feelings of 'what it was' to her. I see that she thinks things are getting better.. does that mean 'safe' to her?
I hear you wanting to just move forward, while she may need to still look back... WHY she needs to look back may be for a different reason than mine...it's not that I'm not willing to look forward, I just want to understand & be understood as best we can to prevent it from happening again.
Just my thoughts from my perspective with my H and needing safety first before working through those negative emotions especially the hard ones.
Hugs to you & happy new year! Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
