here comes the sun.,...It will be alright

[Dr LOve]

Wow Doc, too many similarities between our two sitch's.

Ya reading what you wrote there are alot.

I know as well my W is not in physical contact with OM. I don't think there's phone/email/IM contact either (but no way to know for sure). Of course, I just posted on another thread that I think there is still contact, so who knows what I think .

I could look at the phone log but why? Will it change anything except my attitude? No so why get myself down..

OM moved on to his next victim even before I contacted OMW. My W just hung on to the b.s. he told her about them being together forever. And that's what I think may be one of the big stumbling blocks. He ended it, not her, but he never really ended it so she still hangs on to the idea that they are "soulmates" and our marriage is not worth saving.

Yep... that is one thing I have learned. ( against the recommendation of my counselor) I did not "make her end it" I did not want that "what if" thought to run through her head.

I don't think my W, as yours, wants a D. She keeps talking about our future, makes all kinds of plans, is fairly open with me, invites me to do fun stuff with her as well as accepts my invitations to do fun stuff, but she just can't bring herself to open up which is what I feel is the one thing holding us back. Maybe she feels too guilty. Maybe deep down she realizes she F'd up and can't bring herself to admit that which doesn't allow her to open up with me.

ditto here too....

She just stops short of "letting go" and then does something to remind me of her "independence" "non Committal".

we can wait and wait and wait. I guess that would be the "loyal" thing to do. But I need to make that choice. I did tell her that I would be willing to do anything to save our marriage EXCEPT...Continue as we are. Yes we are at the "friends" stage and that is fine and dandy. She will always be my friend. But I also want a wife. almost 2 years is long enough to decide. Yes I am pushing her but hey... Even if we did divorce. It does no mean we still could no get back together some day..

Somber may be a good thing. May be a bad thing also. She could be realizing she's about to lose you and doesn't want that. But she could also be thinking she see's no hope for you two but doesn't want to lose the comfort of what you have.

That's kind of where I see my W. She see's no hope, but right now she has no better options so she's hanging around. And if that's the case, she's going to get a radical push soon as I am not getting close to what I need (just as you aren't) and I refuse to continue to live this way.

Ya that nasty "comfort zone".. I like her have also lived in it. As long As I went along living this way it was comfortable but I was not happy. This is my point. IF she is not happy and I am not happy then lets find our happiness either together or apart..

NO MORE same old some old..

But that seems contrary to DB. Right now, if you believe DB, my W and I are in the friendship stage. That's step 2 in the 4 steps. The only question is, can we get to step 3 in time for me to still care.

Ya see I think there is no "Real" DB way. It's all a frame of mind. it does say "if one thing does not work try something else right?

Down to the basics.... YOU are the one that makes YOU happy

I suspect that's where you are right now.

Like your thread title says.....It'll be alright....

Yep

Doc