How was it in the past? What's made you want to change the dynamic?
WT
It sucked in the past. We were living two seperate lives in the same house. Neither of us wanted to leave the kids but neither of us were happy. No connection, no physical contact except the occasional sex which satisfied neither of us. We sat on seperate chairs while watching tv, slept facing away from each other, communication was nearly nonexistant except about the kids.
What changed, I changed, I finally grew up, got tired of being a miserable SOB, not in control of my emotions, blaming her for my unhappiness, expecting her to change so I would be happy. I read a book that described me to a tee and how I am in charge of me and how I was responsable for my own happiness and if I was unhappy that I was the only one to blame. It was a wake up call. I was turning 40 in a couple of months and hated my life, what I had become, what my M had become how I was just existing in this lifetime and not living my life. I wanted more, I deserved more and the only way to do it was to take control of my emotions, my happiness and most important my life and the direction it was going in.
I went to C by myself and worked on me. She gave me a book on anger management and the author must have been spying on me because it was all about how I was and I liked none of it. I accepted that my M was over and that more than likely we would get a D but I had to try. I had no expectations it was easier that way. But time has a way of changing ones perspective as things seemed to improve expectations started to creep in. I kept wanting more. I was getting more, more conversation, more smiles, she started sitting on the same couch as me, I started to get relaxed around her.
Then I found out about him and that set me back, added a whole new dimension to my sitch. She lied to me about stuff, I confronted her with the lies, she gave me more information but I knew it was not all of it. I came to this site found an outlet for my frustration and people who understand what I am going through and wanted to help.
I still have my issues and I continue to work on them but I want it all and her stopping short frustrates me and telling me that we were never like that irritates me. I don't care how we were, neither of us were happy with that M/R so why compare us to that if it isn't what either of us wants or needs. We have a shot a very rare shot to rebuild our M/R into something great, something staisfying for both of us. Why limit us, why look back when we should be looking forward. It seems so simple and yet she is making it so complex. That is what causes me so much confusion, see me and judge me for who I am now not who I was that is all I ask.
Sorry for the long answer to such a short question.
