BM! You know I wouldn't DREAM of telling you what to do...;), but ... if it were me, and my spouse was actively conducting an affair while living in the house with me, I would change the living arrangements right away.
I know it is a personal decision. Everyone is different. It is possible to be strong without being pushy. I know all that.
There is "a line" for everyone. An active affair? That's over the line, for me.
What I read from you is, you dread the effects on your family of splitting up, you dread the effects on your son of your husband not being around, and you wish your marriage were young again. But ... it seems like it is hurting you. I don't know for sure, because we never *really* know each other here, the typed word is not nearly rich enough to really know someone. But it feels to me that the situation is sapping your strength and self esteem. Asking for a hug from a man who is doing this to you.... it is not only not good DBing, but it is a sign that you are not strong for yourself. You need support, no shame in that. But you're asking for support from someone who is not only not prepared to give it, he is actively undercutting you. I feel strongly about his behavior.
I had an acquaintance once, the kind of guy I helped when he moved into a new apartment. Had beers together from time to time. I hadn't seen him in a while, then I think it might have been New Year's Eve one year - caught up with him. He told me he had quit his job, decided to move to a new city. Wow! I said, what brought all this on? He told me - actually, it was something you said.
!!!???
He had been telling me, over beers, that he wasn't enjoying work, and it was a drag, and his heart wasn't in it. And I told him, be careful! Because you can tolerate that situation, and after a while, you turn sour inside from the daily grind. I told him, better to be broke and happy, than flush with cash and broken in spirit. It was one of those off-the-cuff things sitting on a bar stool. He thought about it, and decided I was right. He took action. Quit the job he didn't care for. Decided he could live without the money. I don't know what happened to him after he left my city. Like I said, he was an acquaintance. We didn't keep in touch. So I don't know if the story has a happy ending or not. But I still feel like I gave him a good perspective.
So - Are you doing a job that is continuing to sap your strength? Are you waking up each day a little stronger? Are you energized by your mission and vocation? or are you growing a little weaker and wearier by the day? Weary is one thing. We are all weary to some degree of our situations.
But steadily wearier is something different. Don't let yourself get silently used up. Protect and nourish your spirit! You will need it for the future, whichever way the winds of fortune blow!
