your main enemy here is fear, your own fear, if unchecked, will destroy any possibility of rebuilding your M. Yes, piecing is hard (btdt) but it is double hard if you are faltering each step, second guessing the other person, wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. You must FIGHT your fear, you must declare each day that you will fight for your M to the bitter end, I never get tired of quoting a fellow DBer who said "it might be too late but damn if its' going to be too little".
Not many get the chance you got, RUN with it. Do not waste anytime thinking of what she said, she can wait until the cows come home for all you care. An excellent piecing book is "Healing the hurt in your marriage". A bit of it that I remember talked about mirrors. What you think of your spouse will reflect on your eyes for him to see...and what will he see if he looks in your eyes>? are you going to show reproach, dissapointment? lack of faith in him? whatever it is it will impact the way he sees himself and you.
I'm glad you both are going to C, it's a great step, In the meantime, give him space, men are like rubber bands, sometimes he'll come close to you and others he'll move back far away emotionally to recharge, let him. Women feel much better talking to others about their problems, men deal with it --mostly-- by retreating and being alone.
Focus on any progress you guys make, dont' focus on what's lacking. Trust will be built brick by brick, it can be done, dont' loose faith, it is ok for both of you to feel ambibalent about trying again, it is scary, but there is so much to gain! Don't loose hope.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
