I'm so sorry you're hurting like this. It is very painful and confusing and I wish you weren't going through this. I'm beginning to be a firm believer in "follow your heart." Take time out to yourself and ponder what is going on, what your relationship was like when you were in love, what your husband is/was like. Think about all of these things and follow your heart. I have really been following my heart the past couple of days and I think it is paying off. Not everything that I'm doing is strictly according to the book, but with guidance from the book I have been able to pursue my wife without her knowing it. I too was guilty of ignoring my W and not paying her compliments, etc for the past few years. Lately I have been making sure to show her love in very subtle ways. For example, she's moving back into our home tomorrow (strictly for financial reasons), so what I did was clean out the spare room for her. This is something I know she'll appreciate and see as an act of love and kindness. It also shows that I am respectful of her wishes not to share a room w/me. I've also been making sure to open the car door for her (something I had always done but stopped doing for the past couple of months). She's been very appreciative of that. Anyhow, those are small things and I have begun to see a very small change in her. I guess my point is that the book offers excellent guidance, just be sure to also listen to your heart.
I know how you feel about your H breaking all of your moral values, but be careful not to throw the first stone. Remember, if he is repentant it would be right for you to forgive him. I know this is hard, but with God's grace you can do this. However, you should definitely not allow your son to go with him on anymore play dates. Find a way to make sure your H understands that without it turning into a confrontation. Say something like, "this time can be very confusing for our son and I don't want to add to his confusion by having him participate in any play dates that he may later ask questions about." I don't know, just try to be neutral and make it about your son, not about how you feel about the OW. I hope you find some peace in your heart.
