You sound like you are headed in the right direction. It was very, very big of you to admit to the affairs. A lot of people (probably most) in your situation never come clean, so kudos to you for that. Just try very hard to rebuild trust with your husband. It sounds like he has his own issues, but for now I wouldn't bring those up to him. You should work on yourself and try to find ways to rebuild your trust.
As for me, I love my wife with all my heart, and I feel that my love outweighs any wrong she's ever done to me. I'm not sure if you are a believer or not, but the Bible says that love covers over a multitude of sins, so that's what I try to adhere to. And it isn't just words; when I think about all the things that have hurt me, they still don't outweigh my love and desire for my wife. Good luck to you and I hope your desires come true for you. Happy New Year!
