Trixi aka "The Pitbull who can't let go"

[Trixi]

I talked with a guy friend of mine who said I was overreacting. (And he usually is not one to 'stick up' for my H.) He said that "single" is the default and that just because my H didn't put pics of me in there, it doesn't necessarily mean anything. My friend said that if his wife used the same criteria (ie, number of pics of her in his profile) she would be mad too. His thinking is that people should post themselves in their profile.
I would have agreed if there weren't a ton of pics of my H's sibs. Friend said I was probably not being fair by not just stating what I was upset over.

So, H called me to find out why I was upset. I explained that maybe I was misunderstanding, but since I am looking for "clues" to see what his state of mind is, the 'clues' didn't look good. He started to 'explain' why he had posted pics, which computer he was on, etc and I told him I wasn't wanting an explanation- he can post whatever pics he wants. I was looking at the big picture which is he lists himself as single and I was glaringly missing from his profile. So then he says "Well, that one pic was the only one good one of you.." which made me say "uh no. There were plenty from Costa Rica- the trip which was also missing from the profile."

On Saturday I had said that I needed to see some sort of forward movement/better communication and he said he would "ponder" on it.

I said "look, in lieu of open communication, I am stuck looking for clues. You had said you would "ponder" things. Have you done that?" He said he had been thinking about that and we would talk about it tomorrow. (New Years Eve)

I said I was sorry for sort of ambushing him, but my feelings were hurt and he said "no, you're right." So, that was "good" in the sense that my friend made it seem like I had just made a very big mistake and that my H would probably be mad at me for being falsely accused of something.

Little nervous about how New Years will go down, but it is what it is. I have started to push him and that usually means he will push back. The other night (before I asked if I should give up) he was talking about how important it was that we separate so that he could try out this music thing; he had *thought* that success at work was important, but turns out it wasn't and he wished he would have been more involved with the kids; that family is good for some people and fulfills them, but not for him--it's just been a disappointment for him. My response to that was that we still had a chance to make it different and he didn't need to toss out the baby with the bath water.

Anyway- I dunno. I just know that I feel like I have spent the past year getting nowhere.