My Story

[A in Ohio]

WHEW - I had to go by W's apt a couple of times to get to a client, and to go to Walmart, and I noticed that her car was gone. She is with the kids, and is sort of a homebody, so of course, I let my mind wander, and thinking, after last night, she was down at court doing who know what.

I have been flipping out ALL night - thinking the worst. I know it's stupid...

So, glory day, she actually CALLED me a few minutes ago, and said she was working. She is going to drop the kids off tonight, and let them stay until 2pm tomorrow, then I will have them all New Year's Eve, and New Year's Day - in exchange, I will give them to her early on New Year's Day at 5:00pm.

At a certain point, you'll stop worrying about where and what your W is doing. There is a no good way expedite this. Once you internally realize your the best option for your W, it will go away.

You'll notice a WAS will always make eveything their idea. Just roll with it. The idea is to let them think it is their idea. This sounds mean, or controlling, but if you do it properly, the effect is profound.

Then, I thought this was really big, she asked me if it was OK.

Now were talking!!! Very good. The more calm and stable you are, the more good results you'll get.

I'm SO glad that I kept my cool - I know I slipped up in some spots, but believe me, a year or two ago, A in Ohio would've spent 3 hours going over what I did wrong. I figured that W would sleep on it, and cool down.

Your doing well. My perspective is that you have years of your own bad behavior to make up for (or correct). It will take a LONG TIME for your W to trust you again. You must be consistant.

So the best thing is that she isn't going hardcore, filing for child support, trying to keep kids away. She is pretty frigid right now, but at least I'm back to square one!

This is very good. Keep the momentum going. The great news is that YOU control the momentum. The calm, cool, strong, funny, understanding New Jon has control of this!

Just wanted to show her that I know she probably wishes she was there. I tried to make a joke and she didn't respond, so either had to go back to work, or it's too early for funny stuff.

Making jokes via text messaging isn't the best idea. Maybe once in a great while. Too choppy. Focus more on solid communication than jokes. Consistency is paramount right now. You must show her your stable and not reacting to her. Sometimes joking can be looked at as you trying to get a reaction from W. When a joke goes wrong, it gets uncomfortable.

Now, I so need to CHILL OUT, and just give her a few days!

Bravo Jon! Now disappear (from your W). Very little contact. Stop the texting, only call when you have too. When you W picks up the kids be short and kind. Be distant and focus on you. Make yourself better and get more self-esteem going. LET HER MISSS YOU.

Overall a very good job!