WAW - Possible MLC I need help, WAWs advice III

[25yearsmlc]

LD,

YES others have felt the fury you feel. And lived. It's a double edged sword. In some ways, it can help you if it's better than crying all the time and it CAN help you move on with a "f--- them if they don't want me" attitude. It CAN be useful in starting to GAL and it can feel better than utter despair and the rejections and all the negative fantasies of OP in bed with our spouses...yes, fury can help at some stages...

But anger can also consume you. The anger can ruin your life, and the lives of those around you, which will end up being very few people if any. Don't become a bitter man. Then you'll have lost your soul and the hope of a decent happy future with or without the w. Although my issues were not the same as yours, I was angrier than I have ever been in my life and for longer...OMG, it hurt and infuriated me. Does it sometimes pop up again even though we are reconciled? Not that much anymore, but I get angry at present day issues that remind me of past selfishness and sometimes I feel as if he owes me so much, that
he has no rights now, if you know what I mean. I KNOW I'm not being smart about it, just admitting that at some level, I feel "owed" big time.

You are thinking that even if your w wanted to reconcile she has "pooped the sheets" too much, so to speak. And you also wonder if your feelings of being owed, and the fury you feel, would be obstacles too...These are universal issues when you are betrayed by someone you love.

It is why forgiveness isn't just necessary for reconciliation, it is why it is necessary for your very survival as a human. Please see the posting I put up the other day on Forgiveness. It's just a story but it may help you. Also You said "everyone has someone, I have no one.' That isn't true and you know it. You have children who love you and are healthy. You have people who care about you a lot. Don't poo poo that, as I've lost several members of my family this year including a 41 y/o brother in law, and my h's mom is dying of cancer. So even though everyone says "be grateful", I feel it. I mean it. We can all look at our past losses and add them up on our scorecard of life. No two people have the same scorecard anyhow and the fact is, we won't be "even", ever. That's not that important is it?

Is this about being "right", or being happy again? Do some forgiveness exercises and turn your pain over to God.

Gotta go now but will write more later.
((( j ))