Distressed, You have described W and I for TWO and a half years! I have supported her through many thing - I went to alot of counseling, focused on myself, got close with God, started being a better father, and so on. I started doing it for W, then realized I liked what I was doing, and finished up doing it for ME.
In the whole time, W has refused counseling, half-committed to being friends, used me - I have supported her financially, emotionally, in her schooling, and so on.
Stick with the changes that you like, but do it in a nice way. You can be distant, yet friendly. Smile and respond, but don't go out of your way.
I have been solid as a rock, consistent with almost zero change, been a perfect husband, and W still thinks I'm faking it after 2.5 years - I don't care. I know who I am, and what I've become, and if W can't see it, that's her issue.
She may never change her mind, and yours may not either, but that's not the concern - what do you want to be for YOURSELF?
