I know you are the same way. It seems so good but just not good enough. You feel that you are so close, that what you are doing is working but then they are like nope not yet. You like me need to do what you feel is right. I think my time is approaching fast for a final talk with her in which BS answers will not cut it. Its either commit or end this farce. I’m tired of having the worst of both worlds. I have the constraints of being M without the benefits of being loved but not the freedom of being single but being alone. I’m married, feel unloved and alone. Not what I signed up for.
Tim I have EVERYTHING at times EXCEPT the commitment.....how frustrating is that. When she gave the reminder the other night I was floored.
She never says she is willing to work or commit....never has..not once. She told me the other night "YOU are the one that said you don't need to be reminded about the separation".
Soooo...for months now, as we screwed, hugged, kissed, laughed and cried together, bought furniture and redecorated...she was saying to herself what?..."Hey, that's his problem, he told me not to remind him".
Its like a game without rules or if there are rules we have no idea what they are. They show us positive signs and give us indications that things are improving but when asked for reassurance, or a commetment they act like a trapped animal. They shut down or attack you like your some kind of enemy. Again, I understood all this a year and a half ago when I had just started all this but if she does not belive my changes by now will she ever? It just all to damn frustrating.
It makes me question her and what is holding her back. Is it who I was, is it someone else or is it something she did that she is ashamed of? All great questions huh. Always more questions than answers.
