I'm glad you post here. It's a way to get these thoughts out of your head, which IMHO is the best way to process them. If you don't feel you want to put it here, put it some place. A paper journal at work, a digital file on your work computer. Then read it the next day - I'm a firm believer that 24 hours can make a big difference in perception.
I didn't mention this before but it seems you were really disappointed that the Christmas gift you gave her went without comment or reaction. It sounds like you put a lot of thought in it. Been there and it can really slap you around.
Maybe it is time to pull back a bit. You are really working hard at this with little reward. I hope I say this in a way it makes sense. You've made a lot of changes. Which ones work for you? Make you happy, better than you were? Don't think about the R/M, think about you and the kids only. Keep those things. For a while, don't work so hard on trying to make her happy, trying to appeal to her. Give yourself a break and see if things go unnoticed. I'm concerned if you do a 180, she'll be able to justify to herself that your changes didn't stick. Does that make sense?
