here comes the sun.,...It will be alright

[Sara]

I agree with Saffie. Don't let her continue pretending to ignore you. Do the things she recommends.

[Dr LOve]

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh lord
I’ve been waiting for this moment, all my life, oh lord
Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, oh lord, oh lord


Doc

[Hope4us]

I take it no response yet then? I'm getting fairly close to the same point as you are Doc.

In my case I can't help but think that W is still in contact with OM, even if it's "just friends" in her mind so she doesn't see how that affects US. In her mind I see her as thinking if we were meant to be it shouldn't matter if she "just talks" to OM, but we all know a marriage has no chance as long as she hangs on to OM in any form.

Help me out again Doc, has your W gone completely NC?

[Dr LOve]

Hope,

I do know there is no physical contact. I don't think they are talking anymore. BUt I have not checked phone records. My W OM is married. He is not going to leave his wife.

Anyway I am tired. I want to start this new near with some type of direction.

Tonight Wife, son and I are staying home playing board games. I have some margarita mix left and am planning on making Margaritas for the wife and I and a Virgin one for my son.

Some time before Midnight… I am going to ask Wife if she knows the reason I want a Divorce. I will then tell her of my needs. I will tell her if she does not feel she can not at least try to provide them for me then I have see no reason to stay married.

I do not think she wants a divorce. I opened the door She is free to proceed but has not left.
I think if she wanted a divorce she would be joyus right now. Instead she is somber

Doc

[Hope4us]

Wow Doc, too many similarities between our two sitch's.

I know as well my W is not in physical contact with OM. I don't think there's phone/email/IM contact either (but no way to know for sure). Of course, I just posted on another thread that I think there is still contact, so who knows what I think . OM moved on to his next victim even before I contacted OMW. My W just hung on to the b.s. he told her about them being together forever. And that's what I think may be one of the big stumbling blocks. He ended it, not her, but he never really ended it so she still hangs on to the idea that they are "soulmates" and our marriage is not worth saving.

I don't think my W, as yours, wants a D. She keeps talking about our future, makes all kinds of plans, is fairly open with me, invites me to do fun stuff with her as well as accepts my invitations to do fun stuff, but she just can't bring herself to open up which is what I feel is the one thing holding us back. Maybe she feels too guilty. Maybe deep down she realizes she F'd up and can't bring herself to admit that which doesn't allow her to open up with me.

Somber may be a good thing. May be a bad thing also. She could be realizing she's about to lose you and doesn't want that. But she could also be thinking she see's no hope for you two but doesn't want to lose the comfort of what you have.

That's kind of where I see my W. She see's no hope, but right now she has no better options so she's hanging around. And if that's the case, she's going to get a radical push soon as I am not getting close to what I need (just as you aren't) and I refuse to continue to live this way.

But that seems contrary to DB. Right now, if you believe DB, my W and I are in the friendship stage. That's step 2 in the 4 steps. The only question is, can we get to step 3 in time for me to still care.

I suspect that's where you are right now.

Like your thread title says.....It'll be alright....

[Dr LOve]

Wow Doc, too many similarities between our two sitch's.

Ya reading what you wrote there are alot.

I know as well my W is not in physical contact with OM. I don't think there's phone/email/IM contact either (but no way to know for sure). Of course, I just posted on another thread that I think there is still contact, so who knows what I think .

I could look at the phone log but why? Will it change anything except my attitude? No so why get myself down..

OM moved on to his next victim even before I contacted OMW. My W just hung on to the b.s. he told her about them being together forever. And that's what I think may be one of the big stumbling blocks. He ended it, not her, but he never really ended it so she still hangs on to the idea that they are "soulmates" and our marriage is not worth saving.

Yep... that is one thing I have learned. ( against the recommendation of my counselor) I did not "make her end it" I did not want that "what if" thought to run through her head.

I don't think my W, as yours, wants a D. She keeps talking about our future, makes all kinds of plans, is fairly open with me, invites me to do fun stuff with her as well as accepts my invitations to do fun stuff, but she just can't bring herself to open up which is what I feel is the one thing holding us back. Maybe she feels too guilty. Maybe deep down she realizes she F'd up and can't bring herself to admit that which doesn't allow her to open up with me.

ditto here too....

She just stops short of "letting go" and then does something to remind me of her "independence" "non Committal".

we can wait and wait and wait. I guess that would be the "loyal" thing to do. But I need to make that choice. I did tell her that I would be willing to do anything to save our marriage EXCEPT...Continue as we are. Yes we are at the "friends" stage and that is fine and dandy. She will always be my friend. But I also want a wife. almost 2 years is long enough to decide. Yes I am pushing her but hey... Even if we did divorce. It does no mean we still could no get back together some day..

Somber may be a good thing. May be a bad thing also. She could be realizing she's about to lose you and doesn't want that. But she could also be thinking she see's no hope for you two but doesn't want to lose the comfort of what you have.

That's kind of where I see my W. She see's no hope, but right now she has no better options so she's hanging around. And if that's the case, she's going to get a radical push soon as I am not getting close to what I need (just as you aren't) and I refuse to continue to live this way.

Ya that nasty "comfort zone".. I like her have also lived in it. As long As I went along living this way it was comfortable but I was not happy. This is my point. IF she is not happy and I am not happy then lets find our happiness either together or apart..

NO MORE same old some old..

But that seems contrary to DB. Right now, if you believe DB, my W and I are in the friendship stage. That's step 2 in the 4 steps. The only question is, can we get to step 3 in time for me to still care.

Ya see I think there is no "Real" DB way. It's all a frame of mind. it does say "if one thing does not work try something else right?

Down to the basics.... YOU are the one that makes YOU happy

I suspect that's where you are right now.

Like your thread title says.....It'll be alright....

Yep

Doc

[Hope4us]

Hey Doc. How's things today?

If you ever want to talk privately, TAL knows where to find me in the alt universe.

H4U

[Dr LOve]

Thanks Hope4us,

can't really talk now. tal could you please put me in touch with Hope4?

Doc

[Dr LOve]

Isn't this great... I have been working on saving my marriage for almost two years and then I find this on the net..

Your California Divorce Forms Ready for Filing in 1 Hour.
Completed Divorce Documents, Filing Instructions & Full Editing Capabilities Without the Wait! Make Unlimited Changes to Your Documents When You Need Them, Not When We Can Do Them.


Don't worry I am not there yet but WOW it could be over in only 1 hour....
I hope to update ya all soon.

Dr Love

[NikB]

(((Doc)))

It might only take an hour for the forms, but once you file there's a 6 month waiting period before anything's final in CA. Most of the time it takes longer even if there's not much to "fight" about. Thought it might make you feel a tiny bit better.. hope so anyway.

Happy New Year - I know you'll make 2009 great, no matter what happens with your M.