Its tough on military. If they divorce they will only see their children for 30 days unless they are based in the same town. Usually they move every 3-4 years or so. The worst nightmare for soldiers is to have their spouses cheat on them when they are deployed. But it takes two to tango and he/she would have to hold up their end of the marital bargain to have any moral high ground. It sounds like your husband was emotionally distant even while home but that still does not condone cheating.
If he divorces you he will get the double whammy of losing his kids to a degree that 99% of Fathers don't experience. At least most dad's get to see there kids every week. He will not.
I am going to get on my soap box here!!
I am a once divorced military member but my 1st wife was also in the military. She cheated we recovered, but faced with not seeing my kids motivated me to recover. We had another kid, went along and she cheated again...that ended the marriage. Luckily she was at her last base and I was able to manipulate the system enough to stay put for a long while until I got injured and had to medically retire earlier this year. Without that threat of almost complete loss of contact with my kids I might have walked away the first time. You are in a similar situation but on the other(Dark) side. He will have to take that level of loss in account when thinking about divorcing.
Everybody is different....some betrayed spouses are willing to do anything...even be doormats to recover. Others are gone immediately.
Its up to you to provide your husband with the incentive to recover. I would expect my wife to do all the work in recovery. Let the counselers deal with what was missing in your relationship that you felt left you vulnerable to other men.
