Hi Veronica, That's so true about being her friend no matter what...it's been on my mind more mostly because of some stuff that's gone through my head lately about an EA she may have had recently.
Looking back I see that there were signs of an EA in May (when this all started) - and even as recently as September - when our phone records showed that she was calling her "mentor" on her way to work and on her way home from work...her calls eventually dropped off to nothing in October - so perhaps it cooled off - but now that she's out of the house, I do wonder if he is pursuing her more adamantly...She compared me to him a couple times - telling me that he would listen to her when I wouldn't, and that he had a way of diffusing problems calmly, whereas she thought I was always angry (...she once told me she was first attracted to me because of how calm I was when faced with confrontation). She also told me that this "mentor" asked her if she worked late because she had problems at home (which screams predator to me) and that he is an alcoholic (like her father). So...it does pass through my mind that now that she's moved out, maybe he's made his advances more obvious - and while the thought occurs to me - I will not let it hamper me - or get in my way - because I know that I have a hell of a lot more going for me than this guy - and I will continue to have more going for me - and so he is not any real competition for me - rather - he is there as an illusion for my W of something she never had - a good father figure...
In the past, really since I've known her, these father figure types have always been smitten with her attention - and eventually she would have to deal with the fact that we were attracted to her, not as the person she thought she was, but because they wanted to have sex with her...it would happen over and over...and it was something she claimed she finally understood after she had her affair (since that was the first time this cycle actually lead to something physical) - so I wonder if she'll have the presence of mind to see it coming this time...or if she'll first have to make the mistake of trusting this man before she realizes that she is just being used again.
So...I'm aware that this could be happening - but it's not getting in my way, because it has nothing to do with me at all - nothing. The only way I fit into this scenario is as the person that did not love her the way these men want her - while she is very beautiful - I was first attracted to her mind - since we met while I was in graduate school - and she constantly impressed me with her brilliant insights...around these "father figures" she never shows off her intelligence - quite the contrary - she plays this kind of clumsy, helpless pretty girl role who always needs their input...oh...part of the problem I had with our relationship is that I eventually got to wondering if she wasn't more comfortable playing that role - being that person - and getting that kind of attention - than she was being in a relationship with me...
Weird, I just remembered, how once when I was talking with her I said, "you are my wife, that's why I wouldn't expect you to have relationships like that with other men." Her response to that was to accuse me of "owning" her - because I said "my" wife...bizarre memory...
