You are a great inspiration to me, as is all of my friedns here. I asked for both last night, I asked for a sign as which one me He is guiding me to, I asked Him to tell me what I need to do, and here I am posting the same hateful and dark posts as I did yesterday. The conflict in me is huge and the battle rages on. I love her too much to watch this any longer. I cannot interfere, this I know, it must play out on its own, and since none of it involcves me, I wash my hands of it and move on to get everything involving me up the next rung. there is a reason these images have become so intense, I don't know why, but there is. My dream of walking from my friends because of their relationship with her has meaning, I can see only one. Leave it all, leave it all and start over. Dreams need consistency, I shall see where the dream takes me. I have seen no psitive signs from anything, anyone or Him. I take that as a sign of where I need to go, I need to walk, I need to put some distance between me and this situation. Just like when I would drink and get jealous and she would flirt more and more as she drank, I would leave, so that it wouldn't hurt if I couldn't see it. cowardice, yes, it is. But I think I spent all of my strength and hope on Xmas Eve and Xmnas day. I need to be me, make a me, and move on with me. I cannot do that If I keep considering "Us". I have not given up totally, as I have said I pray hard for answers before I act. He has given me none so far in regard to this darkness. I hopeit ends as you have said, but right now, I'm not sure I want it to.
