I read your posts and I can remember so vividly the anger I had/have still at times about someone else being with my babies.
I think my favorite line is " I did not become a mom to be a part time mom"
Which I do have the kids more of the time than he does but still.
It hurts the thought of having some other woman looking at my kids when they laugh that would make me want to get in the car run my x over.
i haaaaaaaaaaaated it.
To think that kids would not want to eat something she made and that she would reprimand them in anyway. Well the thoughts were horrible and I made myself sick for a long time.
I would hear some "step moms" talk about their step kids and it was not nice, and I would cry and cry for days thinking that Susan could talk like that about my kids one day. Oh it' sooo awful.
Recently we had some events that angered me to the point of wanting him to move out of the country. (which FOR ME would be great still :-) )
With prayer, and guidance of my family and friends i was on my feet again the next day.
Susan in her own HO ish retarded way, cares for my kids.
I never in a million years thought i could ever muster the words to say it.
She sees them every other weekend.
She has made their time there as welcoming as possible. Once I let myself really listen to the kids.
Her kids i have to tell you, really do love my kids.
X has dropped off my kids with her kids in the car and the first time I opened the door and saw her 3 kids with him,I wanted to beat him up. Then i saw this lanky long haired boy wave at me and he had the biggest smile on his face.
That was Susan's son. I waved back with the same big smile.
The children are innocent.
This is the hardest time. This new transition, the newness of their relationship her kids with your kids, It used to make me so sick and sooo angry.
Then I would be the ONLY one sick and angry b/c they were living their life.
It is not fair at all. It is not. To accept something you never thought would happen, and to accept something that should not be accepted is the hardest pill to swallow.
I am sorry you are feeling the hurt of all that mami.
I am how ever so happy that the therapist is working out.
You are one of the strong ones, you of stong faith.
Day by day. With prayers and friends and family along the way, it will fall into place.
HUGS HUGS HUGS
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
