Thanks yoyo.. We are hoping that this was just a fluke, we'll know more next wk.
Nc.. You've hit the nail the head. I do think he loves me, but theres just something that's not right. You can love someone but can be arrogant and just say stupid things to me that just push me away further.
This I have realized is his problem, not mine. I don't make him act like an azz, he does it all on his own. All i've been doing is pointing it out and leaving it at that. That's all I can do.
Im going to stop trying to make myself crazy about it, I can't change it, he's going to have to show me he's willing to change.
Anyways, I will sign off for now until after xmas. My family is coming over xmas eve for dinner, then we're going to my mom's for breakfastt xmas morning.
I hope everyone has a safe holiday, bless you all.
xxoo
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
TAL, sorry Disney wasn't better than it was, but glad the kids enjoyed themselves. Good job not getting sucked in to his drama/moods. Very hard to do, takes a strong person.
Let the holidays melt away and see if things don't improve on their own, they just might.
Keep us informed about your dad. My step dad had a heart attack a couple months ago, and my mom was the same way. She didn't want to lean on me but when I was there, she was happy about it.
Thanks Lwb. My dad is ok, but he doesn't take this kind of stuff well. He's going to be going for tests next wk. So hopefully its nothing.
on the home front, I think im feeling a bit depressed. Even after being in disney, sometimes the winter does it to me, but it seems its doing it a bit more this year. Maybe because this year was so incredibly difficult with money and issues with H, I don't know. I feel like im in a rut. I wanted to go out yesterday with him but he didn't want to go, so that eneded that.
The kids have off all this wk and we booked a little ski vacation next wk up north, Im looking forward to it I guess, but Its just so hard to see this man that I married changing at all.
He really snipped at me last night, and he can be so mean and nasty, I have been really good lately not giving it back and letting him rant like an idiot, but I slipped and gave it right back to him. Why does it have to be this way.
Im getting to the point that him just hugging me and stuff is irritating me. He acted like nothing was wrong from last night and was trying to play around this morning, with no apology of course. I couldn't stand it. Im growing tired of his mood swings, and i feel as though I am slowing losing myself and what makes me happy.
My kids of course make me happy (when their not fighting ) but, I realizing I need more than that. Only if my little one was in school full time, I would be looking for a job, Something that I would like to do. But I can't until he's in kindergarden. he needs me more than I need to be working. I couldn't leave him anyway.
Im rambling, sorry, this is usually not me, I just am I guess not happy.
If you followed this, this long.. thanks.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
we are still up in VT. The weather has been bad the last two days, blowing snow and windy. The kids are going a little stir crazy, and me too.
My emotions have been all over the place this last wk. I don't know if its because of my hormones or what, but I think im going to have to talk to my dr. I have been a little depressed still, and not interested in anything to tell you the truth. Worried about money and my relationship with H.
He ended up having his snowboard stolen which really stunk. He did have his skis so all is not lost.
We are supposed to return on Sat, but i want to come home tomorrow. It will be to cold here tomorrow to ski and Im ready to get back to my house. The kids have been off of school since Christmas and its time for them to get back into the swing of things.
There's something definately missing, I don't know what it is, im feeling tired and just sad.
thanks for listening.. we also have no cell service here, which is crazy, only internet. H went out for a couple of runs so I was able to get on today.
Hope all of you are well.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
