Post Finale

[faithisbelieving]

Jeff...I know that my pain is not over. I know that I have yet to be separated from my children. I know that...most likely...here in NY...I will be the one 'forced' to leave the home that I bought and built..where I planted trees for my wife.....where I go on the slide in the backyard...where I lay on the carpet and watch TV in front of the fireplace.

It's coming for me..more pain. But it's change that I must accept...and you must too...because, as YOU have told me over and over again....THIS IS HER CHOICE AND I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER IT. Neither do you, so, it behooves you to move forward or it will eat you up every year.

Instead of looking at the pain of it, you should be now saying it is TIME FOR ME TO BE HAPPY AGAIN.

Yes Jeff. I am now learning...as you predicted...that the pain is changing. I no longer call in desperation about HER...but I hurt for my kids. I think almost EVERYONE here says that THAT pain lingers a LOT longer than the spouse stuff.

And...I agree with what BMF wrote (is it BBA reincarnated?). Your children LOVE YOUR XW...the same that they love you. We CANNOT ASK THEM TO PICK, CHOOSE or PREFER one of us over the other. You cannot equate their desire to be with their mom on Christmas with them feeling LESS for you. And if you have doubts about this, go back and read all the posts here on every thread about feelings we have for our parents: about how much we loved our parents or how much we hurt because they were NOT available to us. Look at frank_d's pain with his father .....or mine...or the love that you and I have for our mothers.

Jeff..you KNOW you are a fine dad. You KNOW your kids love you. They also love their mom.

But..I DO register that shuttling them around sucks and that it wasn't in your gameplan the day you walked down the aisle. Wasn't in mine either.

Choices.

It comes down to choices. XXX and my STBXW made THEIR choices. What are yours?

The State of Alabama made theirs. The State of NY is getting closer to making its own for me. What control do you have here? Only two things...which you taught me early on...you only control your attitude and actions.

Well?

Jeff....we as a species pretty much suck at hiding things well. What are your kids seeing? Can they sense all this? I think probably so. I think one of the greatest gifts you can give your kids this season is 'The Million Dollar Jeff:

Steve Austin, astronaut. A man barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic man. Steve Austin will be that man. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster.

Rebuild yourself starting this week.

Better.

Stronger.

Faster to move on.

FIB