It probably depends on where you are in the situation and the people involved. For example, if it's still early in an affair and things haven't gone too far, or the spouse involved is kind of on the fence about things, putting down boundries may help. On the other hand, if the A has developed, the spouse is beginning to lean towards leaving the M, putting down boundries may just give them a convenient excuse to leave (of course, at that point they will look for any excuse).
i agree with all 3 of you, it's a fine line to cross re:putting your foot down/setting boundaries etc.
In my sitch, H didn't know about my PA until i 'dropped the bomb' - before that i wasn't able to tell H about my dissatisfaction and subsequent A. The day i told him then he did want to talk to me about what was wrong, but i was 'done' so to speak, ready/wanting to leave and not willing to talk/listen to H. I told him that he had had 15 years to talk to me and i'd given up - a typical WAW attitude, i'm afraid!
Only when H started to move on himself did i realise that this was not what i wanted. My OM(s) were very similar to H only not as nice/supportive/loving etc. I can say that H attitude probably resembled a lot the DB 'LRT' to an extreme, since he found another W pronto after i left home and that made me realise that i ddint' want a life without him.
I think that both I and H were unhappy with our situation and neither of us were able to talk about it. I want to change that, so that i am not afraid to speak up and clearly say what's wrong BEFORE taking any action that i would regret.
Me49-WAW H46 T25 S17D14S10 Sep.jan08,PA,back Apr08,H PA Dec08,end09 New Thread
