It is nice to hear that I sound well to you. You helped me to right myself when my days were darkest in my separation and subsequent divorce. You stood by my patiently and helped me to see that my XW certainly has her issues that definitely contributed to the demise of our marriage over time.
Luckily, I have many people in my life who care about me a great deal. Even better, I have met some of the greatest people during my sitch. YOU, kind sir, are my greatest 'find.' And, even in your current chapter of your life story, you are teaching me again that the best energy, time and effort I can spend is on improving myself to be the best man I can possibly be. What I have gathered from this epiphany is that most everything in my life will fall into place when I have myself in order, as I will be much more discerning and have much better personal boundaries.
I am doing better than I was when we met, but that is not saying a lot. I continue to read to improve myself. I am 1 belt away from my black belt in TaeKwonDo. I continue to DB for a reconciliation with my XW alone. I am more active in my church, leading a Sunday school group of 8-year olds that includes my D8. My XW has reached out to me more lately, but I would be lying if I didn't say that I am very afraid of XW actually deciding that she actually wants to reconcile our M, but she does NOT see any changes that she needs to make in herself.
Well, I have not reached THAT hurdle. I am still striving to reach that point and I'm hopeful that my worst fear will not be realized. I'm hopeful that XW will realize what I already know, that I am the best man for her, that she will want to reconcile and will want to do her part improve herself as a person and will want to place our M first; will want to fight for our M first, not herself individually, and separate from our M.
I strongly believe that two people who strongly believe in God and work to strengthen their faith, and who also place their marital success first and foremost in their lives will lead very happy and successful lives together.
I have gone on about me on your thread, and for that I apologize. Perhaps all of this would have been better sent to you privately. I really just wanted you to know that you touched my life and I thank you for doing that. As you deal with your sitch, I am watching and learning from HOW you deal with your sitch. I will stay current on your thread and I hope the best for you and yours and you are in my prayers. I am with you in spirit, my brother.
Keep on keepin' on, Tom
Letting Go Tom; JUST DO IT! previously hopeful_husband
my A: Fall 05 W found out: Feb 06; separated immediately W pursued D, final 7/11/07
As you deal with your sitch, I am watching and learning from HOW you deal with your sitch. I will stay current on your thread and I hope the best for you and yours and you are in my prayers. I am with you in spirit, my brother.
Keep on keepin' on, Tom
Which as I say, is my privilege to have your support.
Well, I talked with W's friend tonight who is also a fellow church go-er.
Her name is 'Drea' and she has prayed for us for months.
Her husband was a 'real deep' alcoholic for years. She has said to me that it was when she made the choice to support him no matter what that he was able to heal, and they now have the greatest marriage she could ever dream of.
She still says that I wasn't even close to her situation. I was in PTSD and needed a supportive wife.
Anyway, she is a good christian, and she has been praying for our marriage to heal. However, she's been listening to W and said the following:
- W told her she 'met a man she likes' but won't say anything more because, as Drea says, she is ashamed of her choices.
- Drea said that God gave us one out of marriage, which is infidelity. She went on to say that as much as she is friends with W, and she loves her, she feels that God has released me from her.
- In that sense, she kept telling me "I know you love her, however, she is teaching your Girls a bad lesson. She's 'down the street' F*king some guy who is a weaker person than her, and showing your girls that if they don't like their marriage / relationship they can just bail and it's 'ok to F**k' someone new. I have a responsibility to teach them that, THEIR LBH should be a man who doesn't tolerate that kind of behavior.
- Drea, who as I said is W's good friend, or at least the ONLY friend who will tell her the truth, said to me "Frank, you are a catch. Yes, you have problems but who doesn't. Lorri is immature in her expectations of marriage, life in general. You deserve better."
To me, she is my 'local' AmyC. She's a good and decent person, and she would prefer that our Marriage be restored. I was deeply moved to hear her tell me that W could only be saved by God, and that I was probably destined to find (or be found) by someone who could love me properly.
She still thinks that W will be saved. It will just be a few years and then she will be humbled before God.
Loving someone who will take years to grow sucks. Especially when you have no idea of Gods time.
"Frank, you are a catch. Yes, you have problems but who doesn't. Lorri is immature in her expectations of marriage, life in general. You deserve better."
Thanks so much Frank for sharing this on my thread.
