Jeff, I don't think "dark" is the way to go right now. You are definitely in the running of a marathon and one you will need much patience and energy for.
The comments are typical. They don't want to get your hopes up about staying, coming home, etc. It's the game they play w/our hearts, minds and souls. What do you do? Ignore the comments and continue being the best you can be.
You've done well thus far....patience and more patience are what you need right now.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks for the advice, I have been working night shift for the past five nights and it messes me up a bit. Yes Ian I have been over thinking this way too much!
There has been alot of positive stuff I could not have imagined skiing or exchanging stockings two months ago!
She has Some friends coming from England for a couple of days so the house will be busy. She is planning on taking them to a house party for new years. I guess I have been feeling sorry for myself because we are not spending New Years Eve together (get over it). She had asked me what I was doing for New Years, I didn't know at the time but I think I may go out of town to my brothers, he is hosting a murder mystery night. Sounds like fun.
I guess you guys are right going dark may not be the answer, but I must keep on GALing and maybe back off a bit allowing her to lead with the contact. I guess I was subconsciously hoping she would invite me along to the new years eve party. I know it was unrealistic but it is hard, when you get some positive contact to find the balance and back off.
We have had alot of good contact so it may be good to go out of town for a couple of days, it may give her a chance to miss me a bit. We have seen each other almost everyday for the past week. There will always be next year. When I go away I will still be available via c-phone.
Trapt you and Glamgirl are right I have to not let her comments bug me I guess it was to be expected because of the fun we have had together.
Snoderly, Thanks I will treat her as a room mate, I guess I let my emotions get in the way a bit.
Craig I will be patient and I can't find your sitch I click on the link and it says not found. Where can I find you're thread?
Cheers Guys I feel better Thanks for the prayers I keep all of you in my prayers as well!!
Jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
Jeff, The holidays bring out all of the emotions that we try to keep under wraps at this time of the year, but you know what? You are human and you really do love your wife and want her back, but for now, she's trying to find herself. So, while she's out searching for that illusive happiness, you will need to continue on w/your life.
As for New Year's, go to your brother's. The night sounds like it will be fun and interesting and it will surely take your mind off of what your wife is doing.
Get some rest and find some things to keep yourself busy during your down time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Thanks I know I sounded a little nuts last night but sometimes it builds up and I need to vent. I don't know what I would do if I had not found this website. I am going to go to my brothers he's got a hot tub as well. I need to let loose a little and not being around her I can relax, not having to be "on"!
I find it a little tough with her in the house because I see her living a separate life, if she wasn't in the house I wouldn't be confronted with it daily. I know on the other hand it gives me a chance for positive contact.
One interesting thing I want an opinion on is, since she dropped the bomb she took pictures of us down.But by our computer she has left a picture of us on the desk. Today she cleaned up the study and I see the picture of us still there beside the monitor. Think this means anything or am I over thinking again? She uses the computer all the time and would see this picture everyday.
Last edited by Jeff3; 12/28/0806:33 AM.
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
Jeff, You definitely need to spend some time away from your wife and the situation. Go and have some fun and let loose!
About the pictures....they all tend to try to make a statement by removing the photos from the rooms. Generally, there is one or two that they keep within their viewing. The statement they are trying to make is that they've moved on, the relationship is over, etc., but in reality, they've moved on their little heads, but not in the real world. I wouldn't worry about the removal of the pictures.
Keep the focus on your holiday and just relax and enjoy!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Think this means anything or am I over thinking again?
My wife keeps a picture of our family, yes me, her, and the kids in her living room. Our divorce should be final next month.... It doesn't mean a damn thing, or maybe it does.... point is, do not try and figure that crap out....
Thanks Snodderly and Ian i guess I can't look at the little things like pictures etc. I was just wondering.
After a pretty good christmas here is the 2 steps back. My W just left to go to her "friends" condo at a ski resort for two days. I didn't ask but I am assuming he will be there. She told me casually that she was going and I didn't give her a reaction I just acted as if it was nothing, even though I wanted to throw up. We are still getting along pretty good and she is bieng very friendly.
Over the past couple of weeks her mom has told me that my W was breaking things off and that they were just friends. My W still insists that they aren't doing anything and that they are just friends. I know that I shouldn't spend any energy on him but is is hard to know that she is there, especially when we had a good christmas. I would love to believe her but I can't.
Anyway I won't see her all week as I will be visiting my brother and seeing some old high school friends. I am really looking forward to it. We shall see if she misses me at all. Her realestate agent should be back soon and I will see if she starts looking for homes again.
I am a bit worried about her because she has already racked up a 5000.00$ visa bill and doesn't seem to care. It could affect her getting a mortgage. I guess the emotional spending is part of the MLC.
Anyway I plan to have an awesome New Years and will plan for the future. I will still be positive and GAL, I will still be kind and love from afar.
It is weird for a bit there she was crying and openly questioning, but now she seems to have done the flip flop and is masking her feelings again I guess this is the rollercoaster and she has been pretty busy so she hasn't had time to dwell on it.
That's all for now , Cheers
Jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
Jeff, We don't know whether he will be at the resort or not. But, if he is, don't get him any more of head space. He's most likely, in her mind, just a friend and I can't see her doing too much w/friends around.
As for her emotional being, they go up and they go down. It's the rollercoaster ride. When they stay busy, they don't think about their feelings or guilt. She'll have some time to think once the holidays are over. As for the credit card bill....lenders will be looking at all of that when it comes to signing on the dotted line.
Enjoy your time away.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
She is picking up her friends at the airport today and is bringing them there. She has been at the resort since Sunday, so I'm guessing she hasn't been there by herself. I guess it's semantics and I know I still shouldn't give him any more energy but it's still tough. I have been keeping myself busy but it still gets lonely. I know we are all in the same boat.
I was just at a friends for dinner and his wife already has some woman she wants to introduce me to. Sounds tempting but I need to get through this first.
Still trying to keep positive and keeping the DB faith.
She may get a dose of reality when it comes to getting a house if she doesn't stop spending.
Cheers Jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
