Thank you for posting to me! I really appreciate it. He has moved awfully fast & I am concerned about how hard it will hit him. I just hope I know & will be able to help him.
I spoke with a lady at the party the other night & she told me that her late husband brainwashed her & she said it really can happen & she didn't realize it until about a year before he was killed in a car accident.
what this lady said to you does not surprise me about brainwashing. my son was talking to me a few weeks ago about how people can almost hypnotize you in how they speak. the strange thing that occurred to me is that ow changes her voice and i have heard three of them: her young sexy voice, her much older voice, and her office voice.
it is bizarre.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Much as we all hope that he wakes up and it isn't too late, the real questions now are what are YOU doing to GAL?
Only you can make yourself happy and be the author of your life's "novel". Don't let his choices write YOUR life's story. Set some goals for GAL and don't wait around. You can move on and shut the door, stop looking behind you at the shore and swim to the other side of this, WITHOUT GIVING UP ON YOUR M...there's a fine line. But no matter what, you need to GAL. Being needy and clingy isn't attractive so you need to GAL for a lot of reasons. Learn to be happy without him, for now. Assume he's in the Australian bush and cannot be reached for say, 2 years.
Would you wait for him to return before allowing yourself any fun? Of course not, GAL and start with achievable goals, hobbies you have always wanted to do, traveling, classes, etc... and DO THEM. It HELPS and we know this, as many of us have been in your shoes.
We're rooting for you. j
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself here, but I do have two relatives who divorced their spouses (or got divorced by the spouses--don't recall who did what to whom as I was about 6 years old). Anyhow, both eventually remarried their ex's. Wacky, huh? It does happen. My cousin was divorced from his wife "B", for 8 years--sorry to tell you about that length of time but it's the truth. I think his wife actually had a short M in the 8 year period, but not sure. Definitely they both dated others when they were divorced/single, as I recall him having a gf post div. and wondering if he'd marry the gf. But he didn't. Cousin remarried "B" 16 years ago and Last year he and "B" were at the family reunion. Their 2nd time around really is better, according to both. My aunt and uncle divorced when I was little. They had kids. I remember her telling my mom that he was "Not the man for me!" when they were divorcing. 5 years passed and at some family function he asked my aunt to go for coffee or a drink. He asked her if she was "happier now" that they were div, and she said not really. "Want to try again?" he asked. Next thing I know, they're remarrying. That was decades ago. He died of cancer 7 years ago, with his wife and kids at his side. So yes, it does happen. But both my cousin and my aunt DID GAL in the meantime. I know that part as my aunt travelled and got a different type of job. My cousin went back to school and finished college. So when they remarried, they brought more to the table, so to speak. I don't know the reasons for their divorce exactly, although I notice my cousin does not drink. But again, he did GAL, and so did my aunt. Not so much sowing wild oats, but living better for themselves as individuals. IN both cases, years passed before they were ready to be remarried. That's hard to hear for you, I know. Maybe in your case it'll be shorter, if it happens.
Don't know what your marriage issues were, b/c as I read your posts, I have not found anything about WHY he'd leave. Did he give you any reasons or indications, other than OW? IMHO, OP are usually not the only reasons for leaving, and are often symptoms of other issues. Do you have any insights there? I have only read your posts on this thread so maybe I missed some. But does this idea of bringing more to the table for you and your life or for a new man in your life, or your exh make sense to you? What are you doing to GAL?
Hope this helps. You can't count on your h coming back, and should NOT put your life on hold. But you don't have to lose all hope either. My viewpoint lately is different in a way. I have a refreshed perspective on things like time on earth and how fast it all goes. It's just that in our family we've had many deaths this year, including a 41 y/o brother in law, so remember what we so easily forget, that LIFE IS MUCH SHORTER THAN WE THINK IT WILL BE....Go and get a life, enrich it, be the best person you can be. For God, for you, and for the world and your community and the people in your life and you'll find more people in your life as a result.
Pray a lot, lean on Him, and trust the results to Him as well. It's really a choice of GAL this way, or giving in to the sadness and using all your remaining days on earth in pain and despair. We know this is NOT easy. But it IS simple. (( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thank you all for posting to me!! I did have fun with my friend yesterday. Today I went with my parents to see a Great Aunt who is 95 & acts & looks about 65. I've always been close to her & her family, they have been so helpful thru all of this & praying for me all the time. God is with us, he just has to be!!
I'm sure this woman did brainwash my H, there is no other way he would have done something like this.
25 years, the only excuse my H gave was that he wasn't in love with me anymore. A person just doesn't fall out of love!!!! Anyway, he said that I tried to mold him into something he was not, he felt like I put the dogs, my church & my parents first before him. I wasn't working full time & he felt like he was having to do everything. All of this is so not true! I was there for him all the time, I always did what he wanted to do & everything. I talked to him about only working part-time from home, he thought that was a great ideal & he was going to make the little bedroom an office for me. Later on when he wanted a D he told me I didn't talk to him about it! I reminded him about making that room into my office but he said that I wasn't doing enough to get clients. I was but it takes time. All of the things he said was MLC & when he said all these things he had met the OW on the scuba diving trip & she contacted him first (I have the 1st emails) of course they did hook up on the boat but I'm not sure about sex, only about "kissing neck" as she called it. This was not planned, he bought me a 2007 Envoy Denali & a 300.00 leather jacket for Xmas 2006, he loved the SUV & bought it for me to use but of course it was ours.
There was really no other excuse, I know he had a choice but she really went after him. 25 years, I don't know if you have read but she even sent me a "thank you" for my H email & also for not sueing her. Does that tell you what kind of woman she is? My H always hated women like her, he always said they were road hard & put up wet. He fell into it big time & he was vulnerble, someone was giving him attention that he thought he wasn't getting at home. After I found out about OW, he told me that if you didn't get what you needed at home you went somewhere else. Deal is, he got what he needed at home, he was unhappy with himself & blamed it on me! I see it now. Plus last summer we moved his Mom into assisted living & cleaned out her house to get it ready to sell, another chapter in his life gone. I read the book "Men In Midlife Crisis" by Jim Conway & he fits it down to the part about the parents. He has always been insecure. I'm sure there were things I could have done different but nothing to make him leave like he did & have an affair. Before I found out about OW he was telling me things that just didn't make any sense, none of it was true but in his mind it was, when I tried to tell him he said I'm not going to talk about it & would walk away. He knew I was telling him the truth, he just needed something exciting to be happening in his life.
After the first of the year when I get back home, I have some New Years resolutions I'm going to work on GAL for me. Number one is getting a full time job, I hope in the music industry but if not I've got to go somewhere else for a while anyway. I have not been playing the piano for a while so I think I'm going to take that up again & get on a regular exercise program for myself. I'm going to try to start going out with friends more often. So right now that is what I'm thinking, hopefully I can do at least some of it if not all. I promise I will work on it! All this has just been so fast for me. But right now I still can't see my life without him, I could be wrong but I can't, it just feels like he is on a trip & will be back. I guess that is what happened the other night when I had a meltdown, I thought about where he really was.
Thank you for you support!! Also all the insight & great advice!! Sorry I wrote a novel!!!!
I have to say that not all spouses who leave and have ow have a reason to.
I can tell you that my h has told people that there was not a problem in our marriage, he does not know why he went out and had an affair, that he was happy in our marriage. We always talked, never argued, that sort of thing.
I think they try and convince themselves that the grass is greener and the op is right there filling their mushy brains with false hope. Then they get caught in a web of deceit amongst other things and they feel they have no way out.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Happy New Year! May the new year be a brighter one for you!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you so much!! I do hope it is a better year for me. I'm not good at keeping resolutions, I usually don't make any but this year has to be better & I've got to work on making it better.
It is a rough night for me but my parents & I have been playing cards & I'm going to bed before the New Year comes in. My H & I always were together for the New Year, mostly just us but it was fun.
I hope everyone on here has a better year than 2008!!!
