Lots of communication going on. Both of you are "listening" very well.
I do have to tell you that I read your first e-mail to CJ, and was thinking about my reply. Then I read his reply to it and thought to myself, "Yep, thats exactly what I was thinking."
I wouldnt have wanted to "celebrate" that day either. Must be a guy thing.
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
What a fantastic note from your H! It just reinforces how we should NOT make assumptions (right Sage), and how our Ses don't bring up these issues because they just want to move forward...not relive the past (BTW...I'm writing this as much for you as for me).
Quoting shinybear: Hi Sage, have you tried "talking" to your H via e-mail? I can't recall. All I know is that I'm getting LOTS more of what I want to hear that way and it's easier to say some stuff too.
Nope. Haven't really had any overt R talk for some time...mainly because I'm still super gunshy about hearing "well, I'm STILL not sure I want to be married to anyone..." since I've heard it more than once during DB'ing.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Well when I got home from shopping today, there was another e-mail from CJ.
As this is a Canadian musician, I don't suspect many of you will know this song, but CJ and I have most of his CDs and have seen him live several times.
Hi Babe,
Last week I was listening to CDs and the Kim Mitchell song, "No More Walking Away" states my promise to you beautifully. Listen to the lyrics, they are my words to you....I love you.
"No More Walking Away" - Kim Mitchell - 1995
Precious heart, don’t be shy, I was alone until you opened my eyes. Here and now, in each other’s arms, We will try, one small step at a time. Precious heart, let’s let it out, You’re not alone in your crying time. Here and now, in each other’s hearts We will cry out, one heartache at a time.
If you lose faith, in times of doubt, I will understand.
No more walking away I make the promise to stay No more walking away Promise the same, never distant again, No more walking away.
Precious heart, talk it out. You’re not alone when confused about love. Here and now, in rhythm and rhyme We will work out our frustrations in time.
So when you climb the walls, Of worry and doubt, I will understand.
No more walking away I make the promise to stay No more walking away. Promise the same, Never distant again, no more walking away
I ran right out to the living room to thank CJ, tears still in my eyes, and then sent this reply:
Hi Hon, I know I was just out there with you, but had to reply anyway. Thank you so much for this message, it really did make me tear up! Happy tears, though!
I HAVE to tell you that these messages we're sharing and the way in which you've been responding, sooo reassuring! It’s really helping to fill some of my love tanks! (hearts)
I feel so much more secure, like I can breeaaaathhe!
If I could find a song that could express how sorry I am for my unthinking cruelties and dismissals of your feelings, controlling, sarcasm, all of the toxic elements I've contributed. ..I would send it to you.. hell I'd sing it at karaoke to you…. Guess that's just not quite the stuff songs are made of, huh?
Actually, re-reading Kim's song, much of the sentiment IS appropriate from me to you. I may not have literally "walked away" but I did my share of "checking out" of our relationship and NOT nurturing it, or you.
I Love you!! S
Now I KNOW this almost feels to good to be true, but WOW do I wish the same kind of reassurances for all of you!!! I have no idea what started this cascade of words, but I am NOT complaining!!!
Actually, I think it's just easier to say some of this stuff via e-mail. And I Love to have copies of such stuff.
I'm telling you, this is helping that "file" of mine move closer to the fire!!!
Quoting shinybear: I'm telling you, this is helping that "file" of mine move closer to the fire!!!
Shiny
didn't CJ mention that dreaded file in an earlier email? Maybe that's what HE needs to see happen to move up to the next level of safety and security???? When you're ready, of course.
I'm SOOOOOOO happy for you guys. THIS is good stuff!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
How I wish my H had email, I'm great at writing stuff. But, he cannot even turn a computer on let alone send me emails. He prefers to call me at work where everyone in the office can hear my side of the conversation
How far is Pine River, Manitoba from where you are? H will be there next week sitting in a tree waiting for a bear.
Darn! I thought maybe you could at least give him a scare or something like a near death experience to make him wake up and take a look at what he's doing.
It just reinforces how we should NOT make assumptions (right Sage), and how our Ses don't bring up these issues because they just want to move forward...not relive the past (BTW...I'm writing this as much for you as for me). 
..I would send it to you.. hell I'd sing it at karaoke to you…. 
Guess that's just not quite the stuff songs are made of, huh? 
I thought maybe you could at least give him a scare or something like a near death experience to make him wake up and take a look at what he's doing. 