I don't know how much I will be able to talk for the next few days, as my husband..came and took the cpu from our home. Iguess he didn't want me to find any other info on computer. He said it was broken and he is replacing it with a new one for me and kids. It worked perfectly well last night. He did this while I was at work. So I can only talk while at work and that will be limited.
I do realize that he is just incapable of being in a commited relationship. Amy as I read your story, I wasn't just reading words I felt absolutely everything you were saying because that is exactly how I felt and what I have been through.
Today anyway I do feel more of a sense of peace. Unfortunately the D proceedings are getting nastier as he funds have been cut off to our bank acct..he stopped all direct deposits today and I canceled the credit cards. Now spousal support and child support will have to be filed and I have to watch every penny. He doesn't want to play nice now so I can't either. I have to protect myself, but I will do it as civil as possible for sake of kids. Although I must say every chance he gets he throws them in there..
for ex:...S's friend sent H email saying house wasn't as much fun since he has been gone..H sends me text telling me this..Today sends email saying now he doesn't think he likes me having kids if kids friends are commenting on the house and "quality" of enviroment. H always played ps3 with boys and wrestled..sorry I don't do that. I know he is just trying to get at me..because I am a great mom, granted I have been sad lately but I take very good care of my kids and I didn't leave!!!
Not looking forward to going home..H says he will be at house tonight.. don't know why..there isn't much to get. I think he does it as a control thing. Had to contact lawyer abt that. I don't like that he can come and go as he pleases since he moved out. Now we have to file something so I can get inclusive possession of house until we settle it.
(((Sgctxok)))...to your question...If he was ill I would probably forgive him. I think I would forgive him if he was sorry..problem is he isn't. What I realize is he doesn't even recognize his part in this. He thinks things are very black and white. He doesn't look for meaning behind behavior, he hasn't.
The entire past year as we discussed why I did what I did and he what he did, I grew to understand and accept his faults and realize why he made certain choices. That is not to say I agreed with them. But actions started to have meaning and made sense. And the meanings weren't always what I orignally thought. He can't do that..won't even try. Just says you did X..therefore you are the problem, and I won't let it go. If I try and explain or anyone he doesn't see his part in the behavior.
I just don't think he can. Maybe it is too hard for him to do it and admitt his part. I don't know. So I actually feel sorry for him in some ways. I feel like he is just searching for something but will never really find it because everytime he thinks he does he will be disappointed as soon something goes wrong. He wants to control everything around him. But he really doesn't have much control of himself inside.
I know I will always care and love him. But I do not respect him or trust him and because of that there is no going back. Only going forward. I have no need to play games or even worry about him anymore.
So this was a HUGE wake up call for me. HUGE!!! I know I will be okay in the future. And with the help of wonderful friends like all of you.. I am sure it won't be long.
Thanks again. Keep the prayers coming. I know I will need them.
