Well the day didn't go badly, but not really what I had hoped for.
I felt like getting some air, so headed outside to weed and trim while CJ had his hair done. He got back while I was still at it...said he had some work to do on an assignment (I didn't hear him say it was due tonight) and then would head out to water the yard.
So on I went, hand trimmed most of our hedges, the bottom of the linden tree, dead headed flowers, scattered poppy seeds...until I was so sore and tired I had to come in.
It was after 7 p.m. and we had planned a nice dinner out and then a movie. Not a lot of time. I made a comment to the effect of "Why did you leave me out there this long?" (still can't find my watch ). CJ took exception to that.
We agreed though, that he could have come out and told me his assignment was taking longer than he anticipated, so I could have watered myself. Moot point as he managed to get that done (along with cleaning up all the stuff I'd trimmed/weeded) while I bathed and got ready for dinner.
On our way out, he asked where I'd like to go. I was rather hoping for somewhere "nice" (we used to go to a lot of fine restaurants before...many on the company card)...but he suggested a familiar spot. I let him know I was hoping for nicer, but with the time constraints it was fine.
And the meal was very good. CJ talked about his course for most of it. We caught "Freaky Friday" afterwards (good but I'm still partial to the original).
We came home, got comfy, I was filing my nails when CJ kissed me (rather awkwardly) on the forehead, said ILY and then went into the living room.
I just came in here and journalled for a bit, and then wrote him a short e-mail.
I'm going to copy it here...that's what I'm expecting 2X4's for...all my expectations....I pondered posting it here first, but out of respect for CJ's wish that I not share stuff with you guys and not him, I sent it.
I'll probably regret it, but it's done. Here it is.
It’s hard to believe that it’s been a year. A year since the day my world turned upside down. A year since I learned that our marriage was a lie. A year since you couldn’t even give me a glimmer of hope that I might be part of your future.
I’m very glad that we are still together. This all could have played out very differently.
I didn’t think this anniversary would be a big deal, I planned on it not being so. But today I felt very vulnerable and couldn’t help but relive moments from that horrible day last year.
All the work in the yard helped some.
But so that you know, there are some things you could have done that would have made me feel so much better today.
First, an acknowledgement of the day itself, that you’re sorry, perhaps. That you know it was a horrible day for me and you hope this year is much better?
Oh, had you thought to pick up some flowers for me on your way home from your haircut…even a single rose. A symbol that you care.
Reservations for dinner? A plan of some kind? A “date” for later? An offer of a neck rub?
Perhaps I am expecting too much…but some of these are little displays of thoughtfulness and love that could help me feel like you ARE glad you decided to stay with me, that you are sorry for the pain of this last year.
I know that you sought me out for a long hug when I got up this morning…was that your way of trying to communicate all of this? I did appreciate it….but then the rest of the day just seemed like nothing special…except for that kind of awkward kiss on the forehead a while ago….do you just not have the words?
I thought I ‘d send this off to you before going on the bb. I’m sure I’ll get a fair share of 2X4’s for having any kind of expectations at all. But perhaps on future “anniversaries” (Nov 28th, Feb 25th) you might keep some of this in mind???
). CJ took exception to that.
A year since you couldn’t even give me a glimmer of hope that I might be part of your future. 
This all could have played out very differently. 
