Separated for 2 months... ice is thawing a little

[Choosing_Life]

Here's my dilemma: wife has accused me of being both controlling and distant, although on the whole the "controlling" accusations have been predominant. My perception of myself as the "pursuer" in our pursuer-distancer dynamic is just that: my perception. However, W has alluded to feeling like she needs more space on many occasions. I guess to bring it to a practical level, W and I have had dinner/coffee three times since separating, and all three were on my initiative. I worry that I am making it too easy for her to be separated from me but still have my attention. I also worry that I am making it too easy for her not to confront her own issues by being so reassuring in terms of the attention I pay her. She has called me a couple times, mostly after 1-2 days of minimal contact from me, which makes me think going "dim" (you're right, can't really go dark with the kids involved) may be the right path. Both times it has been about fairly mundane stuff, but it is contact, and it is initiated by her. Baby steps, right?