My Story

[A in Ohio]

I think I'm getting there - I'm just the type of person that has to play everything out to see if I can imagine the best scenario.

The WAS will keep throwing you for loops. It's like temp taking on her end. There will be NO logic. Get grounded on your end. Dig in.

It is a very confusing situation. W forwards me texts from OM, acts very weird and pushing me away, and then later on she sends me and kids cute little texts about the Sound of Music. How are you supposed to have any consistency of response to that? I know, shame on me for liking the little positive things.

And, if you so desperately wanted a divorce, and I offer one, why wouldn't you take it?

Get used to it. W will flip flop all the time. You called her bluff by offering D and she didn't take it. That's a good sign.

I heard W say "You don't respect me" (hah!) - and, after much reflection, I think it's because she thinks I don't respect her wishes to leave.

She's telling you what she needs. These are her emotions and they aren't right or wrong. Maybe you discounted W in the past and she burried it. Maybe you did it without knowing. Also, understand the W may be using the wrong words to describe her crys for help. Maybe "respect" means validating, discounting, listening...etc. Respect is a vague word. You need to change yourself here. Maybe, tell her she's right.

Just typing those words makes my stomach feel funny - I'm so worried that the OM and her will work out, even though it's highly unlikely, but you know what? That's life, and as someone else so nicely put it, "You never have to wake up in their shoes" .

That's right. If she's happy then good for her. In your eyes this is NUNYO (none of you businss).

Here is my plan - feel free to comment: Took off my ring - it was a symbol of my wife's love and commitment, and that's not there. I don't do it in spite, I simply am making a statement, and it is a 180 for me.

What is your goal in doing this?

2. Completely dropping any comment on divorce, relationship, affair, OM - this will be a HUGE 180 for me. I'm a professional temperature taker.

That's the ticket!!!! Very good.

3. No communication except as necessary for kids - maybe an occasional funny story about the kids, very light stuff

4. Refuse any more silly arguments - validate, express concern, listen to anything, but not respond. "Mmhmm, yes, I hear you, I understand"

5. Look good!

Nice!!! You're getting it. I might not say "I hear you when" validating or active listening. Here is a link to emotional validation: http://eqi.org/valid.htm

PMA alert - I have lost 22 pounds, and I walked into a client's office this morning - hadn't seen in two weeks, and she said, "Boy you've lost weight!" She said "From the back, I can't even tell it's you!"

She was totally checking out your a$$. "From the back" = rear end, LOL.