Thanks (((((Amy)))))) for stopping by - I left you a comment wondering about you!
I think I'm getting there - I'm just the type of person that has to play everything out to see if I can imagine the best scenario.
It is a very confusing situation. W forwards me texts from OM, acts very weird and pushing me away, and then later on she sends me and kids cute little texts about the Sound of Music. How are you supposed to have any consistency of response to that? I know, shame on me for liking the little positive things. And, if you so desperately wanted a divorce, and I offer one, why wouldn't you take it?
Sigh, if only someone would send me a letter with explicit instructions.
Amy, I think you nailed it for me - I have to completely get any care or concern out. I don't think I can stop loving her, but you're right - she is not being a friend if she is willing to hurt me, hurt the kids, and deliberately break apart our family. I heard W say "You don't respect me" (hah!) - and, after much reflection, I think it's because she thinks I don't respect her wishes to leave.
Just typing those words makes my stomach feel funny - I'm so worried that the OM and her will work out, even though it's highly unlikely, but you know what? That's life, and as someone else so nicely put it, "You never have to wake up in their shoes" .
Otherwise, what else do I have to lose? Keep clinging, and forever tear off any feelings W might have?
Here is my plan - feel free to comment:
1. Took off my ring - it was a symbol of my wife's love and commitment, and that's not there. I don't do it in spite, I simply am making a statement, and it is a 180 for me.
2. Completely dropping any comment on divorce, relationship, affair, OM - this will be a HUGE 180 for me. I'm a professional temperature taker.
3. No communication except as necessary for kids - maybe an occasional funny story about the kids, very light stuff
4. Refuse any more silly arguments - validate, express concern, listen to anything, but not respond. "Mmhmm, yes, I hear you, I understand"
5. Look good!
PMA alert - I have lost 22 pounds, and I walked into a client's office this morning - hadn't seen in two weeks, and she said, "Boy you've lost weight!" She said "From the back, I can't even tell it's you!"
