I've been away too long! I did want to stop by and say hello and give you hugs. You are getting great advice, so, I'm not worried about you on that front.
I had a lot of trouble with the friend idea too. I wanted H to know I was there for him, but I didn't want to condone his actions. In the end, I realized that building a true friendship with him now is not possible...maybe later...but, not now. And, to be honest, he doesn't really want a true friendship with me right now. I read someone's post to you about asking if she's the kind of friend you would choose right now. I asked myself that about my H a while back, and I realized, that he's the only "friend" I have that willingly betrayed me; that lied to me over and over; and that acted completely selfishly with no regard for my feelings or the best interest of my family. There's not room in my life for friends like that! I have enough other really great ones to take up my time!1
For awhile, I had to interact with him almost like I was angry just to get through it. That was difficult for me. But, now that I've detached, I am friendly. I can now give more than one word answers to his questions. And, I have on occasion sent him a TM out of the blue to tell him something about the kids that I didn't have to share. In fact we shared a joke recently about his sweater (that I think she gave him for Christmas). To me, that's the beginning of a friendship. I can't imagine ours will ever go past that, but I hope for the kids that we can be friends again at some level.
Only you can decide what actions are right for your sitch. And, if you ask God to help with that decision, I know He will!!!!
Love to you!!! Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
