Hey Hope, glad you had a good weekend. I know I too want this year to end. You know the pain will come and go. Eventually it will just be a bad memory. Been good here and bad. The rollercoaster has sort of started again. Don't really want to post, but been talking to my sis BG and she is such a wonderful ear and she is soooo funny. So smiles to you and have a Happy New Year.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
BG is funny. About the time that you think you couldn't possibly get any lower she says something that makes you lyao!
I am actually glad that I had to work today. I am determined to get the last of 2008 cleaned out of my system, both in home and work lives. My next 2 days will be spent bringing closure to all of 08's ugliness.
Cheers to a Happier New Year!
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
Morning Hope, I hope you have a good day at work. More snow..oh boy! Today it is supposed to be 60, but then cold is coming back. I so want 80 again too! We haven't had a bad winter, yet, like you guys have had, but I am just tired of cold already!
Thanks MT. Work won't be too bad today. Trying to get some last minute things completed, and also trying to deal with issues on my S25 closing for their house. Hopefully the time will go quick. I could get used to working 2 days a week, but being paid for 5, lol!
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
OH yeah! I can't complain about my 4 day week, I am still looking for someone to pay me to watch daytime talk shows! That would be great! I just took a pair of shoes to the shoe shop and he had Regis and Kelly on the TV, that would be nice be able to do your job and do whatever you want while you are doing it!
hey namesake are you freezing up there? how bad is the snow? I heard on the news it was pretty bad in places. I am praying for you every day. I love ya my dear!!
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
It's about 29 here. I've been watching the radar, the snow hasn't started yet, seems to be just missing us, but is due to start by 7pm. That will be good. Give everyone a chance to get home safe before it begins.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
I made it home ok. The snow started later than they had forcast, and didn't even start til we had gone to bed.
It wasn't a very pleasant evening. I think this year 2008 is going to be a struggle until the end. H was upset because of the suicide of our friend, and I was seeing painful memories around every corner.
I did something yesterday that may or may not turn out to be a good thing. It was not a snap action (or reaction), it was something that I have been thinking of for a couple of weeks. I wrote and mailed a letter to the OW.
As this year began to draw to a close, I realized that I needed to bring closure to her. I knew that I probably would not be able to bring myself to confront her face to face, and I knew that waiting for fate to cross our paths would take too long. If she had been only a stranger that my H had happened to have an A with, I could have let it go. But this woman was my friend, and had been in my life for all of my M to H, and for several years prior. Once upon a time she had provided child care for my boys when they were young.
Anyway, I had been writing this letter to her in my head for several weeks now, ever since Thanksgiving morning when H confessed to me that their A had been a PA and not just an EA. I thought over and over about what I would like to say to her, and I finally wrote it all down on paper. I thought maybe that would get it all out of my system. But it didn't. I refined my letter, rewriting it several times. I took out all of the childish vulgarities, and editied out all of the swear words. I removed any 3rd party comments, and kept in unemotional facts. About the worst that I got was telling her that as a nurse she was a dangerous piece of work and that having unprotected sex with my husband when my immune system was compromised from cancer treatment disgusted me. She should have known better, even if he did not.
I read, reworked and thought about the letter for another 3 days. Then yesterday, on my way home from work, I mailed it to her. I felt instantly relieved.
In my closing lines to her I said: "This is my closure with you for this whole horrible mess. OW, if I could make you do only one thing, it would be to think less about your needs and wants, and more about your family. Real love only comes from giving, not taking. The road that you are on now... you are destroying everything that you touch."
I imagine that she will get the letter today, and I hope that she will read it today, the last day of this most horrible year. I had to say my piece to her, needed to let her know that I now know the truth, and I wanted to have it done now and over. I was also afraid that if I had to do it in person I would "b!tch slap" her, lol.
The hardest part with this though, is that I told my H that I had sent her a letter. I didn't want any secrets with him, and in case he were to find out about it, I did not want him to be unprepared. I did not let him read it, nor did I tell him much about it. Only that it was closure for me, and that I did not call her any names.
He wasn't very happy about it, so it probably wasn't good DB. But I truly don't care. This was about me, for me, and if my M ends because of it, so be it. I had to clear my heart, with my X-friend, about how I felt with what she had done.
With this I can now face the new year. I said all that I have to say to her, the poision is released from my spirit, and I can embrace forgiveness. I have to attend the funeral for our friend this afternoon. H may still be plowing snow, so it's possible that I will have to go alone. It's quite possible that she and her H will be there, and I am now in a place that I can move past her and be thankful for my life and all the good things in it.
I am thinking of all of you today, sending New Year wishes and prayers for all of us.
Cheers to a Happy and Healthy 2009!
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
