Everything is so scary right now. H knows that I know about the OW, still denies they are anything more than friends, but that "yes I would be upset if you did that with another man". Can't have it both ways hun.
Yesterday during R talk, he was so beside himself with pain. I can tell that he has absolutely no self-esteem, thinks he is not good enough, and is hurting something awful. My heart breaks for him, because he is a good man, he is a great father, and in some ways I contributed to the bad feelings he has for himself. I am not responsible for his R with OW, but I am responsible for the fact that I have ignored him for the last few years.
H is so torn about what to do because he doesn't want to leave his kids, knows that his family will be very dissappointed in him if he leaves, and doesn't want to hurt anyone. that has always been an issue, he does foolish things or tells lies to try to make everyone happy.
I read some IM between H and OW. They are acting like teenagers, but even in the IM I can hear his insecurities. Last night before I left for work he said he has always loved me and will try to work it out. First commitment he made in that regard. This morning when texting in front of me, he said who he was texting and immediately tried to explain. IDK if it is true, can't see the call log until tomorrow. IDK if I want to know.
The question is what do I do now. I want to be friends, I know to act friendly, not ask questions about OW. He has always been the pursuer and that is a big issue, so a 180 would be to show him love, caring, words of affection. I know that is what he is craving, I know that is what he needs, I know that is what she is giving him. Is it against DB to do that? It would be a 180 for me. I haven't given him compliments or acknowledged his good points. I want to do that. I really don't want him to hurt.
I know, I can't control how he feels. I can only control my reaction to his feelings.
