Just trying to clear my head of a lot of thoughts this morning so I can get more work done...
I went to my father's house last night - with my S11, my sister, her husband and their two kids. We had a good time - though it's always odd because my father has this strange coldness toward my sister's H - and just doesn't talk with him - or interact with him at all - and then blames him for being so distant...it's the odd thing my father and my W have in common - that impulse to project and then blame the other person for the issues.
Anyway - last night was the first time I've talked with my father's family about my situation - and they had a lot of questions about what is going on...I answered as best I could, and just tried to keep emphasizing that my wife is in a lot of pain right now and that she seems to be suffering through something very painful...my father's W was very understanding of that - but my father is already of the move on and forget about her mindset...and would only ask me what I would do when she starts seeing someone else...that's my father's concern - motivated by the fact that he was always really fond of my wife - and captivated by her intelligence and her gentle kind of beauty...
But when my father feels betrayed he has a habit of rejecting people very forcefully and expecting the worst from them (hm...that's just what I did when my W first dropped the bomb...and when she had her affair...I guess I'm learning something)...I don't know if my W will start seeing someone else - maybe she will, maybe she won't - but either way, I have to move on and keep doing what I have to do. That's what I said to my father last night when he asked me what I would do if she started seeing someone - and he didn't seem to get it - though his wife thought it was the best attitude to have.
I also told my father and his family about my plans to return to teaching - and was surprised by their enthusiasm and support. The more I think about it and discuss it with friends and family - the more I look forward to it - it will be a ton of work -but it's always been the type of work I enjoy...
One interesting development from last night is that my S11 finally heard about some of the deeper stuff that's been going on - and as we drove back to my mom's house, we had a chance to talk about things that he hadn't understood quite yet. A big part of the reason I decided to talk with him about it all is because he's been asking me questions about why my W seems so angry - and where it comes from - and why she's even been "mean" to him over the last few months...and last night he overheard the conversation about my W threatening to call the police...and it upset him to think that she could do that. I told him I didn't think she really would call the police - and that she hasn't said anything like that in a long time...still...it was a difficult conversation to have with him - because I don't want to involve him in adult matters - but I also don't want to add to his confusion...and I also don't want him to get caught up in the emotional mess of it all - or for him to judge her...I told him that she's a good person going through a hard time - and reminded him that I love her very much - and wish the best for her - even if the best means that she has to go on without me/us as part of her life. He asked me if that meant he would ever stop seeing my S2 - and I promised him that would never happen...no matter what happens in my life, I will always make time for my boys to spend time together...which will certainly be even easier once my S11 is living with me after next year (and until he goes off to college...gasp...I'm getting old).
