No braveheart, you don’t sound negative, but realistic. Yeah, sometime I wish to reunite, but it takes two people to commit to this. Yes, some do snap out of the MLC, I spoke with some of them. And for the admission of what they did, a sincere apology , work in trying to regain the lost trust, breaking-up with the OM and bad influences would be sufficient in my opinion to start with, there is no need for sordid details. Just venting on this, we are not near that stage.
I try to act happy when around my W, I do more things for myself, I don’t pressure her or bring-up anything about R/M/D. I leave earlier, I am not questioning her about her whereabouts and even she admitted this. I am not criticizing her friends. Reflective listening works wonders and I listen when she talks. Of course, it is all about her. I’ll just sit and listen with direct eye contact and I am genuinely interested in what she is saying. Ocasionally we joke and occasional laughs are relieving the tension that was present in the air.
I'm not getting my hopes up, but I must admit, it is much easier to deal with her when she is nice. She is getting better with spending more time with our son as well. And occasionally she is curious about my whereabouts. I am not letting her know all the details, keep a little bit of mystery. Few months back she could not stand my presence, for Christmas we played monopoly with our son for hours. Few months back she was so inconsiderate she was txt-ing in my presence, now the cell phone is not hidden and when it rings often times she tells me who called.
I know, the roller-coaster… Today could be nice, tomorrow could be spiteful. I reached the saturation point and I guess I am ambivalent but, as one of the DB counselors told me, if one wants to reconcile, they need to be seen from a positive perspective. I know snapping out of the MLC does not necessarily mean wanting to get back together. Surprisingly, she considered this a while ago, but this was obliterated for some reason, following a therapy session.
She is still hanging around with the divorced crowd, though and, as the MLC’ers I spoke with told me , breaking-up from this circle is quite difficult; it will make her look weak. Same about the OM, as Sandie wrote here too. Same about her family. Other signs of MLC are still present. Another bad thing is that in her life she never witnessed a R being restored, only divorces, including a nasty one of her parents. She was so upset last week when she visited some common friends and nobody wanted to talk to her, they simply ignored her completeley.
Keep in mind that (except this forum and my DB councellor), I did not broadcasted to the world her affairs and when I mentioned to her this she was speechless. Anyways, it was not difficult for common friends to figure out I guess.
Would a woke-up MLC just came forward to say what she wants, or she would be testing the waters first? With such a roller-coaster it is difficult to figure out what exactly is in her mind. I try not to do mind reading or making scenarios, that’s why I posted here, hoping to get some good information.
