Thanks Lwb. My dad is ok, but he doesn't take this kind of stuff well. He's going to be going for tests next wk. So hopefully its nothing.

on the home front, I think im feeling a bit depressed. Even after being in disney, sometimes the winter does it to me, but it seems its doing it a bit more this year. Maybe because this year was so incredibly difficult with money and issues with H, I don't know. I feel like im in a rut. I wanted to go out yesterday with him but he didn't want to go, so that eneded that.

The kids have off all this wk and we booked a little ski vacation next wk up north, Im looking forward to it I guess, but Its just so hard to see this man that I married changing at all.

He really snipped at me last night, and he can be so mean and nasty, I have been really good lately not giving it back and letting him rant like an idiot, but I slipped and gave it right back to him. Why does it have to be this way.

Im getting to the point that him just hugging me and stuff is irritating me. He acted like nothing was wrong from last night and was trying to play around this morning, with no apology of course. I couldn't stand it. Im growing tired of his mood swings, and i feel as though I am slowing losing myself and what makes me happy.

My kids of course make me happy (when their not fighting \:\) ) but, I realizing I need more than that. Only if my little one was in school full time, I would be looking for a job, Something that I would like to do. But I can't until he's in kindergarden. he needs me more than I need to be working. I couldn't leave him anyway.

Im rambling, sorry, this is usually not me, I just am I guess not happy.

If you followed this, this long.. thanks.

me: 37
H: 44
Married for 18 years this june
S7
S3
porn issues, and much more... since 7/06

Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.