WAW - Possible MLC I need help, WAWs advice III

[25yearsmlc]

LD,

You are on the right track. You are in the right place (here), and I can see you turning some corners. Plus, you'll look great. Are you doing 180's that are also part of your GAL? And have you considered a DB counselling session? I know they can be pricey but a set of 3 actually costs me less per session, than regular T here near L.A.. And God knows it helped me as it was pro=M BUT with healthy boundaries and gave me specific advice I could follow from a truly good perspective. Geez, I sound like I'm getting a commission, but I'm saying since I tried everything and seemed to have gotten somewhere, I look back on what helped ME most, and this was it. A lot of things did and God was behind it all. But I and h saw 4 or 5 counselors together and separately and h didn't like what he was told (he shut me out of major decisions, repeatedly, and lied...guess what? Most counselors don't support that much...) But for DB, it was just me and what I could do to stay sane...and married.

Also, btw, I posted a story/piece on forgiveness (somewhere on the board, maybe under infidelity or forgiveness in general--) which you might like. I heard it long ago and it touched me deeply. It helps you to let go of your pain and as you've heard, "forgiveness is for YOU"....doesn't matter whether your w knows it, for now, it only matters for YOU as it frees you. (And models for your children what commitment and unconditional love look like) Down the road, in YOUR sitch, for a recon to happen of course she'll need your forgiveness for without it, she cannot come home. Sometimes the crap the LBSer thinks they need from the WAS to "prove" their trustworhiness is too much for the WAS, or too humiliating or painful for the WAS to have to recall or the LBSer seems to hang a sword over their head. I know that isn't you, I'm simply observing.

I also found Marianne Williamson's books very helpful. Got them on CD She's a bit "new agey" for some people, but her books' sections on forgiveness has the exercises I think I mentioned to you about saying out loud, (in the shower worked best for me) "God, I turn my pain/anger/M over to you" about 100 times out loud. Maybe it's psychological reinforcement, or maybe it's miraculous...it helped ME a lot. Also did it before I expected contact from h, to stay calm and to never show him the anger. Now that he's here, I should do it again. So hard not to let things from the past pop up into the NOW...when they don't belong in the "now" anymore.

(( hugs ))
j-