PM Thread #3

[PositivelyMommy]

Just to recap, H didn't call at all on Christmas Eve. Spent the day with us Christmas Day and half a day the day after. But canceled on Saturday and then came over on Sunday. Not too bad considering but still acting very cold and distant towards me. I have backed WAY back but his reactions to me have not changed at all.

This tells me he is still deep in A. His heart is not softening at all. But I refuse to lose hope. I am improving myself. Hoping that one day, there may be a weakness in their relationship or that H might miss me a little and then he will be able to see the new and improved me.

I think he is really stressed that his Mom is coming to visit. We have not talked about the small arrangements, I think she is staying with me because I think he is renting a one-bedroom. Don't know if he plans to include her in his plans with OW. I am beyond worrying but she is terrified of scenes. So I know she won't make it uncomfortable for him but I think she is of two minds about this. She wants his happiness, of course, as any mother would. But she sees that he is tearing his family apart so don't know how to act in front of OW.

I know I cannot control any of this so I think I am the most relaxed of all. They can decide to do whatever, it doesn't REALLY concern me. My children will always be my children. If my MIL wants to defect, there is nothing much I can do but I will always be the mother to her grandkids. I don't think she has respect for OW but that is their problem, not mine. I am determined not to OWN these issues as well.

H still is in the lying mode. Making up so many lame excuses I feel embarassed for him. What a lot of energy wasted on lying and thinking about lying and then feeling guilty about lying. Yikes! The only improvement I have seen is that he is REALLY playing with the kids, a long time coming. I am thankful for our C for that. But no improvements at all for US. He is still very avoidant, won't talk about anything serious. Scrowl on his face most of the time. On the other hand, I am all happy and nothing is bothering me.

I am actively deepening my friendships, expanding my circle, volunteering and making everyday special for my children. I tell them I love them everyday and tell them how special they are. I take care of myself and I keep busy. I don't expect any contact from him and only think of him when he calls, which is hardly at all. In fact, I prefer not to be with him in the same room if I can help it. I am nice, but distant.

I gave him a small Christmas present. He didn't get me anything of course and I didn't expect him to. But the look on his face said it all, I don't deserve to be treated so nice by you. I made no big deal about it. It wasn't expensive but I knew he would like it. I was not pursuing, just a present. No hug, no R talk, no expectations.