It's Complicated! Part 2

[25yearsmlc]

GG,
I relate to some of this. Two main thoughts come to mind. First the "harsh" one, which is that you simply cannot count on him for childcare no matter what else. Assume for now, that he is unavailable, or you could lose your job. If he had cancer, you'd make other arrangements...

But yes, this problem does put a diff spin on things. My mil is dying, and my h is a doctor who cannot cure or save her and he is depressed. Mostly, it comes out as irritability, which sucks for us. And this is after his MLC and some big dreams he had career wise came crashing down and I don't think he had absorbed that "defeat" before we got the diagnosis for his mom. So both those things, and my obvious disappointment with how much we lost financially and maritally from his MLC, cost him a lot emotionally. But then, there are times I am torn between thinking only a witch would leave a guy with a dying mom, but that's balanced against the fact that he isn't that easy to be around and for UNrelated reasons, he was a real jerk before this illness. So part of me says, "hey, I don't exactly have a whole lot in the 'bank' left for this crap and what if, AFTER the depression, he's a jerk STILL? All that wasted time on my part putting my life on hold, etc.

I do hope h will get some counselling. For now he's into being with his mom so he lives on the opposite coast and works near her, which I suggested he do FOR THE SUMMER....so I also feel my gesture of kindness, after moving to Alaska, blah blah blah, is being used to my disadvantage. Don't know. I only know the longer he's away, the harder it is for us to reconnect and he seems to want to take over control of things which is so ironic. I mean, we survived without him here...

But your h does recognize he has a problem. I can't say you should make the appointment, but since he seemed to be reaching out, I think I would too. Geez, it's a tough one. You are allowed to have a life of your own and your children and you cannot be dragged down by someone who won't get help. Keep the kids' welfare in mind no matter what you do. It isn't your job to make him well or to wait around and hold off on your own life...

But then again, "in sickness and in health" too. wth? Sorry you're in this sitch.

(( j))