AmyC isn't really being harsh, she is being realistic. I have been doing most it since I started here. I do not want to be a door mat nor do I want to enable W to have her cake and eat it too. I know exactly what AmyC means. Yes, I followed Amy's advice and left this to God so I won't screw it up. I take you advice well and Amy's. I am calm now. I have spoke to him and told Him my pain and confusion and He has calmed me. I let this pain out as Amy has indicated. my detachment is good as long as I am focused, seeing her, being around her, sends me off. I want this to be over. but I believe she needs reality. I have asked God to show me the end is in site, that I have a great chance at my marriage. I am asking for what He cannot answer right now. Until this stops bothering me, then I am not totally forgiven in this, nor am I detached. I need to have my "house" in order. AmyC feels a hard push is in order because of the thin ice. I am hoping I do not have too. If my insurance is paid, then we will go as we go. I will not let this slide, nor should i.

Everything that has happened to her, happened after her talk with my D and my FIL. Not only did she get flattened by the them, two things happened that she had to call me for. AmyC had posted to me that it was when she felt the disconnect and financial hardship that she realized things. She has just been disconnected by her own Dad and her oldest D. By tthe way, her mother is coming up second week in January for Ds birthday, W didn't even know. what does that say? D17 asked if I was OK tonight. told her I didn't feel good, she asked sick bad or bab bad. Told her bad bad. She told me I 'll get through it, if anybody can get through it, you can get through it. She said she was sorry for saying anything that got me upset. Told her no, she is good, no worries. Just the holidays is all. Going to bed now. Talk to Him for a while tonight I think. I feel better. Wondering what's next? I will write down all that happened in my journal. I will find my focus and pick myself back up. thanks for all your concern. I need all theadvice I can get, from the men who got thru this with their marriage and minds intact and fromt he women who wnet thru it, found their focus and reconciled. These are the points of view I need, not opinions from people who have not walked that mile. I still hold faith in the "Believe nothing she says, and half of what I see". Talk to you all tomorrow...