It would not be acceptable to him if I did not show when I said I would, but it seems to be ok that he not show.
I have the same !
25yearsmlc !!!!!!! Boy I've missed your posts ! Glad to have you back, and I'm sorry to hear about your family deaths and losses this year. (((hugs))))
Fantastic post if I might add, and thank you, it gave me a 'wake up call' too ! xxx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
GG, haven't even finished reading the other posts but saw that you wrote your h was "supposed to be there at 10" (EXPECTATIONS AGAIN....) "BUT h is (already) late and if he isn't here by the afternoon, I will have to call him..." wth? WHY??? OMG, come on. Re-read the posts. Get out Plan B, now. How has calling him after the fact (or EVER, recently) helped YOU?
Life is passing by, and tomorrow is promised to no one. Don't wait for him anymore. Your kids childhoods will be over soon enough, will they have ANY memories of NOT "waiting for H", or "being with H", "disappointed by h," or "missing H", or you "expecting/thinking of H"...blah blah blah. Enough. Your life, their lives...are NOT ABOUT HIM...
You are inadvertently teaching THEM that YOU and (therefore THEY too), need someone ELSE in order to have a good full life. You don't. They don't.
No more calling b/c "he isn't here by"....whenever... HOW does that help YOU?
When I was 16, I started to date a guy I really liked. But he was a "player" with a record of being late, even for dances I had to attend on time (student council stuff). I decided that given the nearness of our homes and his history, if he was more than 15 min late without a call, I'd go on without the bf and NOT be angry, just "busy" with my life and all. I told him ahead of time I'd do this, not as a revenge thing, but as a necessity. Well, next time we had a dance, He was late. No call. And I left. Met him at the dance and we had fun. I had danced with other guys and who knows what the bf thought. But He was NEVER LATE AGAIN and I never spent any time waiting for him either.
Of course it might not have changed his behavior (though it did). But the point was, I didn't waste my precious time. That's ALL I could control anyhow.
Okay, now I'll read the rest of the posts. But when I saw those words from you, again, I couldn't wait to say SOMETHING....I want you to know YOU CAN DO THIS if you just...start doing it. This is hard, but it's NOT complicated.
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
GG: Is it possible that you can change the days you work?
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
would love to post to you (SORRY for the hijack) but this site is weird lately. Won't let me post to others "at this time" or says "cannot do another search at this time" even though I'm not... As my d19 says, "whatevs..." so, (( hugs )) back at you and again, GG, sorry for the hijack. Anyone got any ideas about the site issues? I tried looking under the names for "viewing posts" but it didn't work either.
Geez, are there just a ton of people on this site this time of year? I could believe that... j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Hmm....I haven't had any problems except that it takes extra long to load a page on/off throughout the day.Tthat could be something on my end, though.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
25 yrs. I understand about not waiting on my h, but I have and do count on him for childcare. I have no relatives close by and have nobody to watch them until 2am on short notice.
Call it what you want, but other options are not always available to me. If I had someone to come over and watch the kids until 2am I would have used that option. It's different Mon-Fri day hours, but this is a bit extreme for having someone watch the kids. H has been really good with this of lately, but today was an exception.
It's not always as easy as it seems.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Ok I am still at work and this is how the day unfolded.
H finally calls around 3pm and says I am on my way. When he walked in the door I knew it was NOT good.
He sat down on the couch and says Glam I am really depressed. He said he didn't take his AD's for 3 days, he said he took 12 sleeping pills so he wouldn't have to be awake for days, he said he missed his alarm today and missed my calls and he had just awoke. He also said he forgot that I worked on Sundays, now I have been working on Sundays for over a year. Wow!
He said Glam can you come sit on my lap. I said sure h. He said you look beautiful and so nice. I said thank you h. Well, he asked me to go upstairs and we had the most amazing love session in over 3 years. Not so sure what happened there, but h was just amazing. I was and still am dazed.
I went to work and then came home for dinner. We did talk a little bit about h's depression.
I am going to make a Dr's appointment for him this week, we have decided to attend a support group together, and he asked for help setting up IC for him. He said he was so paralyzed with the depression that he wasn't motivated to do anything. He said I am so sorry Glam. I know that you are so tired of all of this. He said I don't know what to do. He said I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
His mom has been diagnosed with depression and we feel this is hereditary. I strongly believe most of the issues my h is facing are due to his depression which is preventing him from moving forward.
What a week! I have to get my h some help. I don't know what direction to take here. Any advice from those who have dealt with deep rooted depression?
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
GG, I relate to some of this. Two main thoughts come to mind. First the "harsh" one, which is that you simply cannot count on him for childcare no matter what else. Assume for now, that he is unavailable, or you could lose your job. If he had cancer, you'd make other arrangements...
But yes, this problem does put a diff spin on things. My mil is dying, and my h is a doctor who cannot cure or save her and he is depressed. Mostly, it comes out as irritability, which sucks for us. And this is after his MLC and some big dreams he had career wise came crashing down and I don't think he had absorbed that "defeat" before we got the diagnosis for his mom. So both those things, and my obvious disappointment with how much we lost financially and maritally from his MLC, cost him a lot emotionally. But then, there are times I am torn between thinking only a witch would leave a guy with a dying mom, but that's balanced against the fact that he isn't that easy to be around and for UNrelated reasons, he was a real jerk before this illness. So part of me says, "hey, I don't exactly have a whole lot in the 'bank' left for this crap and what if, AFTER the depression, he's a jerk STILL? All that wasted time on my part putting my life on hold, etc.
I do hope h will get some counselling. For now he's into being with his mom so he lives on the opposite coast and works near her, which I suggested he do FOR THE SUMMER....so I also feel my gesture of kindness, after moving to Alaska, blah blah blah, is being used to my disadvantage. Don't know. I only know the longer he's away, the harder it is for us to reconnect and he seems to want to take over control of things which is so ironic. I mean, we survived without him here...
But your h does recognize he has a problem. I can't say you should make the appointment, but since he seemed to be reaching out, I think I would too. Geez, it's a tough one. You are allowed to have a life of your own and your children and you cannot be dragged down by someone who won't get help. Keep the kids' welfare in mind no matter what you do. It isn't your job to make him well or to wait around and hold off on your own life...
But then again, "in sickness and in health" too. wth? Sorry you're in this sitch.
(( j))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
