1. How awesome the way you handled the budget! As long as his side of the budget is met, then you're right! Maybe try picking some small item you both want, and ask him to start contributing to saving for it? Ease him into it? If you have nagged in the past, you probably have exacerbated the behavior.
Well, he's got a significant amount of debt. He also lives paycheck to paycheck. He's one of those people that needs to have material objects and constantly "nickels and dimes" himself to death - he doesn't realize that $50 here and $25 there add up in a week.
So I watch him say, "Oh, I need to look into getting (insert frivolous item here)" and I panic every time.
This week it was a new car stereo. Which went to looking for two sub-woofer boxes to replace the single one that he insists sounds like poo with the new radio. And so on and so forth with the unnecessary $hit while he's got ZERO savings in the bank.
He only pays $10 a month more than his minimum payment on his 3 credit cards (almost 13K total in debt) and claims he's doing fine.
I used to defend myself nagging at him as saying that I wanted us to grow upward and onward as a couple, which meant bettering our financial situation. And I do want that, and I want to see HIM get into a more comfortable money place, too.
But what I was failing to realize is that nagging pushed him away. It made him feel mothered and it made me look like a control freak. At this point, he DOES NOT want to hear me talk to him about how he spends money.
So I will keep my mouth shut. If I have to clench my teeth and ask him with a smile if the color he picked out matches the interior of his car, so help me god I will not nag him about money.
I will do my own thing, look out for myself, not tangle myself in his financial mess, and be there to support him without "I told you so" if he should fall.
Because I LOVE him, and I can love him as he is, because ultimately this does not effect me until it ACTUALLY effects me.
He knows my stance and he knows I'm concerned and he knows he can come to me for encouragement or advice when HE'S ready to fix the situation.
Until then, it's HIS situation.
Bomb Dropped - 11/08 Working on the R - 12/08 (thankfully short period of time!) Still DBing to see positive changes!
