I'm amazed at your PMA - let us in on some of your secrets!! I'm serious about that. I cycle back and forth - not good!
I'm dealing with an affair situation as well. You might want to read Huizenga's e-book on the different types of affairs, and what works and doesn't when talking to your spouse. Talking about God, etc., respects your beliefs but may or may not be in line with what you want to do right now or not to try to restore your marriage.
I'm struggling with the friends-issues. It's been continuously recommended by the DB coach. The other day my husband said 'we've always been friends'. That got me thinking that not acting as his friend would be a 180 for me and probably take a huge pressure off me. It would allow me to go dark to the extent that I can given some overlap in our lives. And that would help me get back my life.
I also seriously doubt whether the friends-thing works while there is an active affair going on. They are so blinded by hormones, etc., they can't see anything else; everything else is just taken for granted as part of the backdrop.
While there's an affair going on, I believe there is NOTHING that can be done to work on the marriage. They have to get it out of their system. If being a friend is something you haven't done before (or she thinks you haven't), then it might be a good thing for your wife to see. But at this stage, I don't think it is what will restore the marriage. But it could help pave the way much later on down the road (after the affair).
