they know. D17 is always doing that because she hates that her mother has OM. she wants me to have someone, that's all. She sees me doing things, going places by myself and then she hears her mother talking about dates with him and all the things they do together. It bothers her. She wants me to go on a date just so she can slap her mother with it. Trust me, they all know what I am doing and Why.

My DIL is very worried about me. She asked if there was anything I can do to get her to come back. I told her as long as she is with OM and she feels that her life is complete, then no, nothing. My older D told me it was good to just stay in and get my projects done. Yeah, it would've been great to go visiting and out and whatnot, but you had things that needed your attention and you did them. Just like waiting on her. I don't need to go out all the time because she does or that I hear she does. Its just that, with the holidays, my dad being gone, her being gone I really have no desire to do much right now. I got my home projects done, I'm happy that's out of the way mostly. I am going back to the gym tomorrow night and tuesday night, New Years Eve with my friends on wednesday night and a relaxing night home on thursday. this coming weekend is anyone's guess, maybe cards Friday or Saturday night..

I just have this big empty feeling in me right now. Me and my son just had a long talk and says I am putting too many negative spins on things. How do you know these things aren't her trying to come back. Calling the people that she knows you hang around with and seeing them. I just don't know anymore. I don't want any signs, all they do is crush me at the end of the day. I want nothing from her, about her or anything to do with her until OM is gone. I have put this in god's hands because I know I will screw it up. I am doing as He is directing. I am frustrating myself thinking to deeply about her lately. I cannot get these thoughts out of my head. My son said to me " do you think that everything is coming around your way and that maybe your just scared that you won't be able to handle it?" I told him no, it's not coming around my way. she shows no signs of leaving lala land or OM anytime soon. I did a great job getting her out of my head and my heart. I controlled me, she is upsetting my world now. What do I do now, get new friends because now she wants to buddy around with our friends all of a sudden? That all of a sudden she wants to hang out, maybe bring OM around for acceptance so that we can all hang out like great friends? No F'ng way!!!! How will I see my friends when they will look at me with pity because she has told them all, emphatically, that we will never ever be together again. and they all know how much I love her. I do not want people's pity nor will I accept it. I remove all things from my path that cause me pain or misdirectin. Now, what, I have to dump my friends because she feels a need to party with some new people? I don't know. I was doing fine until Xmas Eve. I think seeing her at all is a huge mistake for me. I see myself bending, I beg Him for more strength, I am losing sleep talking with Him and not getting answers. The empty feeling I had the day she dropped the bomb on me is back and it hurts, alot!!!