I had a very nice and busy Christmas. I had family over to my house so there was lots of cooking and cleaning going on. My H and step-D came over on Christmas Eve before they left for their trip. We all exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve...my H gave me and the kids some some very nice gifts...hopefully they liked what we got for them. My mother and her husband showed up at my house shortly before my H left. My H asked her about us all going on a trip for Christmas of 2009.
I just spent some time re-reading some of my old posts. It was interesting because I do see that my H and I have made progress this last year...but no where near as much as I would have liked. Even with the progess, it seems like right now I am struggling with trying to keep my feelings alive for my H. I am feeling like I am just not sure how much I care if the M survives. Part of me is ready to move on completely. I wonder how compatable this "new H" and I really are. I wonder how long he will go on making excuses to keep distance between us.
Maybe I am feeling this way because we haven't really had any opportunity to work on the M lately. Maybe it is because I can see that he is broken and has so many unresolved issues that he chooses to avoid. Maybe it is because he is away now and when he gets back, he will be busy again with work. Maybe it is because I want so much for someone to want to be with me and to make effort instead of excuses.
