You see, when I let H into my life we were the type of couple that did everything together. Our hobbies were the same, our friends were the same, we traveled, we volunteered, we built our place, we had it all and I felt so blessed and considered us the Golden Couple.
I had given up my own identity to become an extension of H. He was the guy in front with the ideas while I was the doer in the background. (remember his 'engine' comment?) When H emotionally divorced me he left in every way except he came home to sleep. We lived in the same house and could go for days and not see or speak to each other. I HAD to step and take care of me and this place.
I wonder how many spouses do this? And I wonder how much this contributes to where we end up? My H decided to start up his own business and I worked really hard to fill in the gaps, offer suggestions, and make things work. I set up contractors, wrote HR manuals, and took over the finances. I really considered myself a partner in his business as well as his life. Plus we also shared friends, family, and hobbies. It seems like he just snapped. You mentioned that you were an extension of H. I think I did the same thing and that contributed to making me the enemy. EPIPHANY I think some of this was just a MASSIVE overreaction to him wanting his identity back and he didn't have the emotional or communication skills to just tell me to back off nicely. Hmmm...something to think about.
Married - 19 years Noticed Problem - Aug 2008 THE Conversation - Oct 2008
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
