By all means maintain a healthy frenship with W whether it be for your own well being or for the sake of young H, but I would encourage you to have more casual lunch dates with member of the opposite sex. I'm not saying dive into another R but you will at least be widening your circle of friends and re affirming yourself worth to those around you.
GFI, IMO if you have some more positive social contact with women, it will make you feel good about your self. You W will notice, we always do, and you just might look a bit more interesting to her. It also might make her take a step back and examine what would happen if you really moved on. Take care.
I had my Dad come to stay - that was really difficult - he's 83 - and "all there"...
he drove up to my home - where W and h are - and I had to bring him to my new place...I got up early on Xmas day to go round to home for the present opening...which was fine, came back and collected Dad at about 10....
i helped W, as best i was allowed to sort out Xmas lunch...W did an amazing job! Had everything sorted and looked gorgeous!
W's mother has Alzheimers - which makes these events a bit more challenging anyway - anyway - all was going swimmingly - I thought - lovely Xmas lunch - H enjoying his pressies - then BOOM!
W appears - "that's not fair!" "I have done all this work to make sure that the Christmas Dinner goes OK and I wanted now to spend some time with MY son" - I had opened one of his presents with him...I thought- at her instigation and had started to get involved with it...after she had disappeared upstairs for a couple of hours...but she had wanted to "play" with S...
i didn't know that...I got cut down, blasted...
I cannot begin to describe how cutting that was - I was in bits...I had to bring Dad back to mine sooner than I had wanted...and bring an end to our Christmas Day.
She did send me a text later to say "sorry" that she was tired beyond tired - but perhaps - if she wasn't up till all hours with OM - then she wouldn;t have
So - getting close to being "done" with this...I need to move forward...
Big mountain walks and ice climbing; looks on the cards!
KBO - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
Hi there Bizarre - I hear what you're saying - its obvious to me that my w doesn't want anything from me romantically...this is now nearly 2 years - I have resisted....for a long time...but I cannot go without female affection for much longer....
I have an offer...but am reluctant to take it up...don't know what to do...
Best GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
Hi GFI, Well maybe try to figure out why you are resisting. Is it because you think there is hope with your W or are you afraid that if you start a relationship with an OW , you would find it difficult to go back to your W? Sort of like being between a rock and a hard place, huh? If only we could have a glimpse of the future. Do what feels right and good, life is too short to waste waiting to see what happens.
Hey GFI... I am sorry to hear what happened...seemed to me that perhaps she was upset at the reality of your sitch, of S or D.. that she doesnt get to spend all day with her son.. and it may be a bit of guilt too.. and it coming out all wrong? So she lashed out? I'm just saying, without asking her (its an option, if you really are 'done') then, you dont know..
But, ironically, maybe if you make yourself less available and go out for dates.. she may realise she is losing you and it might make her think..?
I am sorry to hear about your xmas troubles with W and that things did not go as well as they could, but in reading all of that the comments I made in my previous post still stands.
By all means remain friendly with W, but maybe 2009 is the time to move forward.
