So....it took a long time for me to start to come around. It can be done. You've got to be a pretty big person to take on the challenge. But, I bet you can do it if you think she is valuable enough to work that hard. Is she?
I have given that a lot of thought since you asked this. I think my kids and future grandkids are.
About her I am not sure. This morning after she mentioned that she had always put our two children before her. She claims I never did put the kids in the past before me. I have to admit that may have been true. I took a long time to grow up and still am working on that.
I asked her if she had ever put me before the kids. She said no and I felt that by the tone of her voice that she took pride in that. I asked if she thought if her mother had ever done that for her dad. She said she did not know.
Was I jealous of my kids? I have wondered that in the past.
Another point is that I seem to have more spiritual needs than she. She did put out a Christmas nativity scene. My son and her joked that she was playing with her "Action Figures".
Part of that hurt me but I could understand it as a joke only.
I asked her this morning what her beliefs were. She said we should be nice to each other. We are of different faiths and I don't believe she has been to church since we were married by a priest of her faith.
My family does attend church often and I have joined them a few times on my own. Part of me wants to give my faith a try again. I do believe in God and believe I am alive today because of the power of prayer. My faith requires a 10% tithe and I told my IC that I thought my going back to church would be the death of my marriage. My IC suggested Yoga.
I still love my W and believe I made a commitment to love her until death do we part. (My faith believes in eternal marriage and I know that W does not view some in my faith kindly and does not want to learn more about it).
Several nights ago I was thinking about the the wedding ring I had on. Did I remember right that my W gave it to me as a token of the vow she took to love me? I took it off and put it in my night stand and have not put it back on.
So I am torn.
My view is to put my faith in God. Do what I can to work myself and on the M and be willing to accept what God has in store for me.
I am here crying now thinking of what I have done or may do to my kids and any future grandkids.
