After she came to bed last night we said good night and then I laid there hugging a body pillow that was between us. I was facing the nightly struggle I have deciding if I should show my wife some affection or just hug the pillow. After 10 or so minutes I asked my W if she was still awake. She said yes and then I told her that I was having a battle trying to decide if I should act like a spouse or like a roommate in bed. Her quick abrupt answer was "roommate".
I hugged the pillow the rest of the night. In the morning she asked if I was awake and I said yes. She said that we both have been unhappy. She said we have problems in that our finuces are not liquid enough. I asked her if she had made plans to leave a long time ago. She said she had thought about it but thought things could still work back then. I stayed calm and asked her several other questions.
She believes that starting yesterday what we dream each night determines what will happen for each month of the following year. I don't like that idea so I have few dreams this time of year.
Well last night she dreamed that we did the D. She claimed I snored for several hours but I do not recall having any dreams. I did think that last night I should think positive about the R. Who knows what I dreamed!
She says she is going to look at our finances again soon.
I have thought that I should ask her to sleep in another room if she wants just to be roommates at night. Tell her that I believe the parents bed should be for spouses. The other side of me thinks that at night when she is asleep and I do put my arm around her or hold her that she does sense the affection (Not passion) that I still have for her. He hand often responds by clasping mine back.
I did let my wife know that I did not want a D. She understands that. I did not know what to say to let her know that I know it is up to her and that I know she has to do what she feels is right.
How am I feeling this morning? I don't feel like eating and have an upset stomach. I am keeping a smile on and trying to stay positive. My son just went snowboarding with his friends and my daughter is still in bed. My W is painting the birdhouse my son gave to her.
